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Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Ode to the 217 - Ye Shall Be Missed!

Let me start off by stating something that most Houstonians know...290 SUCKS! It’s awful, I hate it, it's sucking the life out of me, giving me(more)gray hair and most likely making my boss think I am lazy and sleeping in every day. This all got way worse than normal the week school started. Ok, that makes sense I guess. But this is the 4th week since school started and yesterday I left right on time and was still 20 some odd minutes late. WHAT GIVES 290! I am so sick of getting ulcers while sitting in stopped traffic worrying I am going to be late for work. Once I arrive at work and rush in with my head tucked feeling awful for my tardiness, I spend the next 2 hours trying to unwind from the commute. Gone are the days of my worst complaints about the commute being in relation to the people. Man I am sort of missing the normal snorer or leg grazer. At least that didn't spill over into the rest of my day. I have now decided to try catching a bus that is a little closer in on 290 and possibly miss a few clogs. Today was my first attempt, and so far so good. We shall see. So I guess the good thing here is I have an entirely new group of people to commute with and this means NEW STORIES hopefully! So here is my


Ode to the 217 bus.....ye shall be missed (like an ingrown toe nail is missed).

Most days you get the same repeat offenses like talking too loud on the phone, hogging the seat and touching my leg etc. But every now and again you get a new one. I was sitting on the inside of the row by the window. A normal enough looking fellow approaches and sits down next to me. He immediately begins to shimmy into a wool sweater. Yes the bus gets cold, no it does not call for WOOL! Not to mention that he has to do so much wiggling and squirming to get this thing on over his dress shirt that I am starting to wonder if I need to help him. Nah, this was too good to interrupt. So he gets in the sweater and sits still for a brief moment. Then he gets his briefcase out and pulls out what I thought was a little Franklin planner or something. Oh no....it wasn’t a planner. It was a manicure set. To do nails with. While riding on the bus? Is this odd to anyone else? I started praying he just had a snagged nail or a stray cuticle. OH NO not this guy. He pushed his cuticles back then started clipping his nails! I wanted to scream or gag. Luckily he was making sure they fell into his handy traveling manicure kit, but still EEEeeeWWwwww! That is just something I think most people know not to do in public. He didn't get the memo. Here is another first for me.

The 217 exits 290 at Skinner Rd. and then travels down the feeder road past a business or two and then turns right into the bus drop off area. This particular day the bus driver thought that she would test the patience of the passengers by passing up the driveway!!! Oh yes she did! Passed it right up. You could see the panic in her face. You can't exactly back a bus up on the feeder road. A very kind man sitting in the first row begins instructing her on how to get back around. The anger that was radiating from the passengers was so thick you could have cut it with a butter knife. You would have thought that I was on the bus with a bunch of perfect people who never made a mistake in their lives because certainly they were not judging this poor lady for her mistake. They so were. I mean, she could have pulled into the regular entrance that was right after the driveway that she missed and let people out but who knows, maybe they aren’t allowed to. So she turns at the stop light and makes the HUGE block and came back around the feeder road. We all held our breath as we approached the entrance....and she made the turn! YAY! We arrived. Most of the time as each person exits the bus they say "thank you" to the bus driver or "good evening" or some pleasantry. There was very little of that this time. I managed to say, "have a good evening, don’t worry about it" as she repeated "I'm sorry" a million times. I just can’t imagine having a load of people there staring at me when I make a mistake. I can’t handle disappointing one person much less a bus full. I hope she had a Calgon take me away type of evening and forgot the entire mess.

I think I have mentioned to you guys that I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON. I am a zombie until I get some coffee and have time to knock the cobwebs out of my head. The bus rides are normally extremely quiet (except for the occasional idiot who has no clue of the rules). I usually take a little cat nap to and from work. So I got on the bus this morning and sat down next to a gentleman and leaned my chair back and closed my eyes. I realized this was a very cold bus and decided to get my pashmina wrap out and cover up. He takes this as an opportunity to start a convo about how the buses are either really cold or really hot. I nod at him in agreement and continue my mummification process. I get all snuggled in and then he starts talking again. He asked me how long I had been riding the bus and if I like it. He really was a nice guy so I didn’t tell him "yeah it was great until I sat down next to you and your chatty self". I answered him, "over a year now and I like it, much better than driving 290 each day". Then he begins a LONG story about how he hates it and is going to quit the job he just took downtown because he would rather less money than have to deal with the commute. Ok good for you, you do that. I try to close my eyes. Then he sees my little belly. I will give it to him, he took a risk and asked "are you expecting?". Everything in me wanted to say "no sir, why do you ask" Just to make his heart skip a beat or two, but I refrained. I said, yes I sure am. The I got the story of all his kids and how they have almost grown kids and then a surprise pregnancy that gave them their 2 year old son. You could tell he was a family man who lived for those kiddos. Very sweet story....BUT IT’S SO EARLY....and did I mention I haven’t had my coffee? Silent finger please!

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT (PSA): If you are having a phone conversation with your homies(a very loud one at that) on the PUBLIC bus, please refrain from shouting the word bitch constantly. It is rude, annoying and makes you look ignorant. I wasn't aware this word could sub for just about any other word in a sentence. Now, if you are a dog breeder, you get a pass.

Thanks 217, I have enjoyed your entertainment. I especially love your fancy parking garage. Who knows, this 214 thing might not work out so well.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Catching up: From Brayby's to Abominable Snowmen

Hello all, I have been falling short of my duties of reporting ridiculous stuff to you guys! It's been a really crazy past few months. Mainly because we are getting adjusted to BEING PREGNANT!!!!  Yes, come January we will be bringing a little Brayby (get it....our last name is Bray...ha ha ha!) into the world.  We are beyond excited and just cant wait to see out little bundle of joy. Although, I'm not gonna lie....after we found out the news that we had hoped for....it all hit me.  We REALLY are gonna have a baby.....life got REAL at that point!  So many things to think about and figure out and WE KNOW NOTHING.  At least I am old enough to know I know nothing. 

Even though life has been busy I am still riding the 'ol Metro bus and enjoying all that Houston transit has to offer! Earlier today I posted a few I had jotted down a while back.  There were a few more I had tucked away that I thought I would share with you all.  I have been asking all my fellow bus riders to share their stories with me so I can add them to my blog.  Someone recently told me that there was a lady on their bus who was a daily bus rider.  One day they all got on the bus and were headed down the street when the woman JUMPPED out of her seat and screamed "OH SHIT....I forgot that I drove in today".  She had to jump off the bus and hightail it back to wherever she parked.  Sometimes being in a routine will get ya! 

Sometimes I think it might be good to ban chewing gum completely!  I mean if people are not smart enough or courteous enough to throw their gum in a trash can when they are done.....then they should lose the dang privilege. How many times have you stepped in gum and had to drag your foot on the ground for a mile to get it partially off?  NASTY!  Well as if that isn't nasty enough....some JERK of a person decided to put a wad of gum on the button that you press on the arm rest to lean the chair back.  So I grab a seat one day, go to recline my seat.....and stick my dang hand right in someone's chewed gum.  That was an intentional thing someone did and I just pray that they get hemorrhoids the size of grapefruit!  That would serve them right! 

One last story for today.  But I will have to paint this picture for you because I figured taking a picture would be a little rude.  I got on the bus this morning and there were only a few people on the bus.  So I head down the aisle and grab myself a seat.  I was so excited to have gotten to sit on the inside and was sort of hoping that it would be an empty bus so I could have the seat to myself.  It was just one of those mornings where I just didn't want to be all friendly and share a seat.  I wasn't quite ready for human interaction yet.  Well, with my tacky attitude I deserve what I got.  The bus starts filling up and I am just sitting there reading on my phone.  A lady walks towards me and starts to move into my row.  I am not really paying attention and just make sure I am on my side and out of her way.  She sits down and I kid you not....I was dwarfed by her size.  Now that's not easy to do because I am about 5' 8" and I have some hips on me along with fairly wide shoulders.  This gal was overweight but mainly she was just a BIG WOMAN.  She sat up way taller than me and I couldn't see around her if I wanted to look at someone across the row.  I moved over as far as I could towards the wall and she was still pressing my legs a bit.  I didn't wiggle too much even though I HATE being touched by random bus strangers because I didn't want her to feel self-conscious at all.  So I just sat there and tried not to think about what we must look like all crammed in there.  But if I try not to think of something funny.....I just can't help it. I got a mental picture of the cartoon where the Abominable Snowman is grasping Daffy Duck in his hands and saying he's gonna "love him and hug him and keep him all for his very own".  Then I got tickled and faught off the laughter for a mile or two.  If my life didn't play in my head as a cartoon clip I might be able to act like a growup from time to time.

A few Old Stories....I am a bit behind!

Well good day to all! My computer is actually cooperating with me today so lets see if I can make sense of the quick notes I jot down in order to remember all my bus happenings. I have actually asked a few of you for bus stories before but I have gotten only one....I am surprised! I know crazy happens on all buses not just the 217! So If you would like to share your stories with me I would love to add them to my blog! Just send them to txglrae@gmail.com. So a friend of mine who has ridden the bus for many years told me an interesting story.  She had gotten on the bus and grabbed a seat in the first row.  Shortly after a lady across the way gets her attention and tells her that the row she is sitting in is reserved for handicapped and elderly people. To which she replies, yes I know, and asked if the lady needed to sit there.  The lady said "no" but proceeded to tell her this same information about 3 more times!  Here is my question....are you supposed to leave the seat open or take it and just move if a handicapped person or elderly person should enter the bus?  I figure it works like the handicapped stall in the restroom.  If you are next in line its all yours....unless there is a handicapped person and then they trump you.  Maybe I have these rules all wrong.  Who knows, I might have offended masses of people on the bus and in the bathroom!  If so, may this serve as my apology. Unless more people side with me and in that case, get in line folks!

The other day one of our usual bus drivers picked us up and we proceeded down the road to a few more stops before we got on the freeway.  I noticed the bus driver closed the door and in a minute she opened it up again.  I never saw anyone get on so I was wondering what was going on.  In a minute I see her waving her arms a bit. I wasn't sure if she was signaling to someone outside the bus or what.  Next thing you know she grabs her water bottle, takes the cap off, and slings water towards the door.  I am HIGHLY confused at this point. Then she starts fussing and I managed to make out something about a bug.  That lady slung water all over the front of that bus and who knows if that bug was out.....but sure looked like a dang monsoon had happened up there.


The other morning I make in onto the bus and grab one of the last seats in the bus.  I'm sitting int the aisle next to a gentleman I see frequently.  I get myself situated and such and am preparing for my little siesta when out of the corner of my eye I see him looking at me.  I turn to look at him and he looks away.  I thought "do I have a booger?".  I proceed with my nestling in for my nap and I feel him looking at me.  So I glance back his way. He quickly looks straight ahead.  WEIRD.  I closed my eyes for a moment enjoying the back of my eyelids when I wondered what the man was doing now.  So I open my eyes and he is looking towards me but just past me.....hhhmm. He is really creeping me out at this point.  I glare at him trying to let him know he has been caught....now stop! I close my eyes and start to drift off when I can feel his leg brush mine. OH NO....I can't handle this.  So I sit straight up, move as far towards the aisle as I can and glare at him.  I am not sitting there a second or two before I see him relax his leg and it brushes me again. GGGEEEERR....why I don't have more guts in these situations I don't know. I should have said a thing or two to him but I didn't.  I sat my chair straight up.  Grabbed my purse and scooted it more towards him so he would hit it and maybe not me and leaned in towards the aisle enough to where he knew he was a huge inconvenience to me at this point.  My skin was crawling!  The second I got to my stop I jumped out of my seat and ran for it! I would like to implement a new rule, you touch me more than once I taze you! 

Friday, June 21, 2013

Spills, Prayer and I'm Stuck In My Chair

Well hello friends and fellow bus riders!  It has been a while.  Life has been extremely busy lately and I have been paddling as fast as I can to keep up!  But, no matter how busy life gets.....people are still crazy!  So here is an update on a couple of things that have been going on.

Many of my friends and family know how funny I think it is when people fall.  I know, sounds so mean.  But I look at it this way.  I am a cluts!  I trip and/or fall all the time and give people plenty to laugh at.  Therefore, I can laugh at others when they trip and/or fall. Its a rule OK!  My bus makes a stop at another transit center on its journey to and from downtown.  Usually I am sleeping and never know what happens at this stop.  But God must have known that I needed a giggle because I couldn't sleep the other day.  I was just sitting there minding my own business, sulking about having to be awake and all, when I see this gentleman running for a bus.  He is hightailing it from the parking lot to one of the other buses at the transit center.  I was sitting there thinking "poor guy, I hate that type of morning".  I see him cross the street waiving his arms and running when all of the sudden his foot hits the curb as he goes to step up onto the platform.  It was like slow motion.....He kicks the curb, throws his arms down to catch himself, takes a quick glance around to see who all saw him and stands up to continue running. OH MY WORD!!  I got so tickled.  Poor thing didn't make it to his but after all and he had a captive audience of bus passengers watching the whole thing go down.  Thank you kind sir for the morning giggle. Now go home and crawl back into bed!

I got to sit by a blast from the past!!! I mentioned an older lady a while back that I sat down by on the bus.  Well she must have the same reaction every time someone sits by her OR she REALLY doesn't like me.  Both times I have taken the seat by her, as soon as I sit down she starts scooting over.  There is only so much room and you can only move over so much.  Shes kept forgetting and fighting to get further away from me but was smack up against the window so I don't know where she though she was moving over to.  Everything in me wanted to keep scooting her way to see what she would do.  Soon after she got settled, AS FAR AWAY as she could get from me, she gets on her cellphone.  She calls her mom first and speaks to her VERY loudly mostly about the weather report.  I turned my head to shield my ears from her loud mouth.  As soon as she was wrapping her convo up I turned my head back around.  But do you know what that heifer did??? She made another phone call....to her dad.  Oh gracious....I really was trying hard to stay calm.  Thankfully this conversation didn't last as long.  She hung up and then leaned her chair back and closed her eyes.  I took a sigh of relief and started reading my book for a moment.  I get a few pages in when out of the blue the lady popped straight up from her reclined seat aggressively clasps her hand, bows her head, and starts mumbling a prayer under her breath.  I start looking around to see if there is some emergency that I have missed but don't see anything.  WHAT IN THE WORLD??? At thsi point I am totally staring her down with a very confused look on my face and I wasn't trying to hide it.  What is wrong with this lady???? I have made a mental sketch of her face in my head so I can avoid any future bus rides next to her.  Shes too much of a lose cannon!

There are often times where I wish I could take a picture of things that happen to me or situations I get myself into.  Because some are just too funny.  I sometimes envision some of these instances drawn up like a comic strip. One of these moments happened to me on the bus the other day.  The chairs on the bus sit in little tracks that allow the seats to move forwards or backwards.  I am not sure why they would need to move them around but sometimes when you get on the bus you will notice that the chairs are not evenly spaced. Which for someone like me.....messes with your head.  One morning I get on the bus and realize there are only 2 seats left to chose from.  One was by a larger guy and the other was next to a smaller lady.  Well of course I picked the smaller lady. The person who got on the bus behind me grabbed the last open spot.  I took a seat and quickly realize that my row had been moved forward and was entirely too close to the row in front of us.  I scooch back as far as my butt will go in the seat and attempt to cram my legs in the row.  I angled myself at first but I touched the lady next to me and since I don't like strangers to touch me I decided to be nice and quit leaning my legs on this poor lady.  So I yank my legs back through the tight spot and am awkwardly trying to get comfortable.  By this point the lady next to me has to be annoyed that I am still wiggling around so I feel bad and try to get still as possible.  By this point I have wedged my legs straight in front of me but have them picked up about chin level and leaning up on the back of the chair in front of me.  All of the sudden I get a mental picture of what this has to look like and start to laugh.  I begin to sing a modified version of the SNL song "FAT GUY IN A LITTLE COAT" but I change it to "FAT GAL IN A LITTLE ROW"!  Oh man, Life is so entertaining!

Have a great weekend all!

Thursday, May 16, 2013

My Metro Bus Version of E! News (queue catchy music)

**I would like to implement a new rule for all the bus riders at 6am in the morning.  If you are a cutesy, perfectly put together female....please do not sit in my general vicinity on the bus. You make me look bad! When I wake up, I do just the bare minimum to not look homeless or embarrass my bosses.  Heck most of my thoughts when I am getting dressed center around figuring out how soon I can get to bed that night and NOT what adorable ensemble I can put together. Halfway through the day I do start thinking that maybe I should have spent more time putting together an outfit or making up my face (after coffee has taken effect). 

I look especially bad compared to this cutest gal on my same morning bus.  Granted she is younger than me. But, she is just so well dressed every day, from her cute hair-dos to her pressed clothing and her high heels that she wears from her car, down the stairs and to the bus (while I am loafing along in my granny flats...I used to care...).  Now, I have never been one of those girls who hates other girls for being cute.  So go on with your bad self little Missy.  But I have to say, I saw her the other morning without makeup and thought to myself "YAY, she isn't perfect all the time and she isn't feeling the AM anymore than I am".  But alas, my moment of feeling better about myself was soon dissipated by her AMAZING ability to put on her entire face while riding on a bus.  COMPLETE WITH EYE LINER!!! What tha???....I sort of idolize her now.  Good gravy would I be a hot mess!!  Not only would I have a road map drawn all over my face with eye liner etc, I would gouge my eye out and be squirting blood in no time.  I gotta give her even more credit.....home girl has skills!

**One of the most entertaining things on the bus ride is actually listening to the dispatchers and bus drivers talking over their radios back and forth to each other.  Sometimes you get a bus driver who has their radio volume turned up full blast and you get to enjoy the banter.  I have chuckled every now and then at some of the things that are said.  But for the most part they keep it copacetic.  We got so lucky the other day when our driver had his radio up loud.  It was a conversation between a bus driver and the dispatcher and they were NOT getting along at all.  You could first here the sarcasm in their voices, then the dispatcher lady cut to the chase.  She called the bus driver out and straight up told him he was being rude and he needed to "listen better".  Oh man....it was on.  He did not appreciate that and he let her know.  I just couldn't believe they were doing all of this over the radio waves knowing anyone could listen in.  I wish we could have chimed in and egged them on!  That's what I call some good quality entertainment!

**OK - This story is complete with a picture at the end.  Although its not the best.  I was trying to snap a picture but the lighting was off. Then when I got a better shot I was worried I would be found out.  Here's the story: This week I was standing at the bus stop waiting for my bus after work.  I was probably 4th in line and my bus number is in the middle of two other buses lines.  I look up and the lady at the very front of the line to my left was a sight to behold.  She was a short lady I'm guessing in her late 60's.  She has short hair and is wearing a bright blue headband with HUGE blue roses across one side of it.  As I was taking in the rest of her outfit I realize that she was very color coordinated!!!  She had on a SHEER black shirt with stars on it and a BRIGHT BLUE bra on underneath it.  I mean, she was spot on with her headband bra matching but....it just seemed a bit inappropriate to me. I will say, I have never once thought to myself...."hhhmmm I wonder if I have a headband to match this bra".  But who knows, it might be in In Style Magazine next week! Little trend setter? I sure hope not....I don't have the headband collection for that...ha ha. (I cut her head off but she walked away before I could retake the picture)

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

...In Addition

In conjunction with my post today...Just got on the bus for my ride home. And as luck would have it...I picked a broken seat!!! This time I warned the gentleman behind me that its broken and I'm sorry in advance if I end up in his lap. To which he replies "well no problem, don't be sorry". Guess I set myself up for that!

Add to my current misery the bus has NO AC and its actually hot today when there isn't air movement. The bus driver was telling every 5 people or so but I didn't know until I was on the bus. I feel the mood in here darkening!

Several Reasons Why I Annoy Myself and Other Metro Tales

Well, its been a while since I have blogged.  I was feeling pretty crummy the last couple of weeks and it seems when I am ill my funny bone is the first thing that goes!  But, I think I am back in action!  Just because I was down and out certainly doesn't mean my fellow bus riders were.  I have plenty of stuff to share. 

Lets see, I think the first thing I would like to share with you could also be classified as one of my REASONS I'M NOT COOL moments and a funny bus tale.  A couple of weeks back I had gotten on the bus but was one of the last passengers on so there was slim pickings when it came to finding a seat.  There were two open seats. I could either have the person who sat on the outside seat get up and let me in (my preference since I like the inside seat but hate getting the death stare from the outside seat rider) OR I could sit in the aisle seat further back.  I decided to make the least amount of commotion....that was my intent anyway...and I chose the open seat on the outside.

I sit down in the seat and work on getting my tote bag situated on the floorboard where it wouldn't roll down the aisle.  The other seat fills up as I am thinking about how thankful I was not to have gotten the dirty look and eye roll that the poor gal who asked to sit in the open window spot did. The bus starts rolling right as I lean back to get ready for my morning nap and dang it if the stupid seat wasn't broken and I went flying backward into the guy behind me's lap!!!!!  I am pretty sure I startled the person next to me as well as the poor gent who's lap I was now practically laying in.  I make my apologies and pull the seat back up.  I am not sure why but I thought maybe if I just leaned back gently it would be OK.  So I give it another try...and then BAM I was right back in this poor guys lap.  OOPS!  I thought about asking the guy behind me for a head rub since he was right there but opted out.  I pull the darn thing back up and I had to lean forward the rest of the trip.  How the heck am I supposed to get a nap like that!  Think about how many people this happened to through out the day!

I usually see the same few bus drivers on the morning rotation.  They all have very different personalities.  I like to say good morning  when I get on the bus.  Some seem to like it, and some don't.  There is one middle aged gentleman who is always chipper.  He greets you as you get on the bus and as you exit.  He seems very nice.  But, I think I know his pet peeve.  We had turned onto the street my office is on and had made a stop to let people off.  I guess someone was walking across the street while they were talking on their cell phone. He starts yelling at them to get off their phone while walking across the street! He is going to town fussing at them!  I can't hear all he is saying to them and don't have a clue why this would bother this seemingly nice fellow.  Tell ya what, I dare not pull out my cell phone when he is my driver.  Is there some law or something that went into effect that I am not aware of? 

I would like to issue an allergy season disclaimer.  I myself am an allergy sufferer. I understand the woes of this plight.  But there are rules people!!!!!  Simple rules that they teach in pre-K to little children.  The rules still stand!!!  One inparticular that needs to be strictly adhered to.  PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, cough into your sleeve, or anything else that is yours and will shield us from your germy nastiness!  I had a guy right behind me hacking up a lung and wasn't trying to cover it up at all.  The only things that kept going through my head (except for OH GOD I'M GETTING SICK) is a mental picture of the mucus family from that Mucinex commercial flying out of his mouth and landing on my head.  Those things scare the crap out of me.  I turn those commercials as soon as I see them!  GAG AND NO THANK YOU! I would much prefer for Mr. & Mrs. Flem to stay with you!

Sometimes when I acknowledge to myself that something is annoying it starts to become a HUGE pet peeve that ends up just really making me crazy (like when I acknowledged the annoying sound my hair dryer makes when I cut it off...sounds like an airplane descending.  Now I can't NOT think about that when I cut it off). Case in point - the parking garage at the Metro station where I live is really very nice.  EXCEPT it has A MILLION speed bumps in it.  AND they are the double ones where you drive over two that are side by side and then immediately hit two more that are side by side.  They are so frequent too!  I counted the other day and there were over 20 some odd speed bumps from where I park to the exit.  Seriously!  And good lord, if you don't hit those suckers straight on and go sideways just a smidgen, the double speed bump situation will give you brain damage and knock a few parts off your car! I wonder if there is a candid camera somewhere just watching us dummies go over all those things?? Not gonna lie, once I started thinking about this each day, I started watching the movement of the people going over them in front of me and boy is it entertaining!  I know - doesn't take much to keep me entertained!

Not sure how many people will catch this....but.....I am CERTAIN that Mokiki works in downtown Houston! I have seen him several times!  And although he WAS NOT doing the sloppy swish, his distinct appearance is unmistakable.  You think he gives out autographs?

And last but not least - REASONS WHY I'M NOT COOL.....
There is a gentleman who rides my bus line who must have the same schedule as me.  We end up on the bus morning and night at the same time.  He is very friendly.  We chit chat in line and will sit and chat on the bus from time to time.  He works right down the road from me and needed to drive in one day and his usual people that ride with him so he can take the HOV lane were not available.  He asked me if I would be interested in riding home with him one particular day.  So I said sure no problem! He picks me up and we shoot onto the HOV and are at the bus stop to get my car in no time.  He is a very nice guy and easy to talk to so we chatted it up.  He pulls around to the front of the Metro parking garage to let me out and as I am saying goodbye and gathering my things I start to step out of the car.  When I did, my shoe gets caught up and I step right out of it.  Its on his floorboard and I am standing outside! I had to stick my foot back in his car and retrieve my dang shoe before I could close the door.  REALLY, whats the deal??? Stuff like that barely phases me and he didn't acknowledge it very much so I scooted past it.  But had I been him and seen someone do that I would have cracked up!  Lesson - get new shoes this is becoming a habit! 

Well, although I am not the story tell I can sometimes be.....now you are up to date!  Anyone else have the sloppy swish stuck in your head????



Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Exhibit A

Here is the best picture I could get of the poor lady and her helpless hairdo! If you don't know what I'm talking about read my last post.

A Movement, a Revelation and a Public Service Announcement

Good day to you!

I just want to start this off by making a HUGE apology to the man who almost hit me head on this morning!  Truthfully it really was my fault and I was immediately mouthing to him that I was sorry (I was very animated and everything - even had my hands in the begging/prayer position).  Here is what happened.....talk about getting your blood pumping first thing in the am....

I was on Barker Cypress about to turn left onto the feeder street of the 290 freeway.  Several cars in front of me were able to take an unprotected left turn.  I followed behind them waiting my turn.  When my turn came I got a little worried by the car heading straight at me.  I just reacted before I really thought it through and put on my breaks and was going to just wait for the next turn.  Better safe than sorry I was thinking.  I guess not.  Next thing I know a truck is heading straight at me head on from the feeder turning left onto Barker Cypress Rd. He screeches to a halt and is laying on his horn.  Now, I take full responsibility for this but come on Mr. I was half a car link past the white line and even if I had been behind the line you would have been turning into the oncoming lane pretty much in order to be facing me head on.  I immediately start mouthing my apology to the man (insert above mentioned hand gestures).  But he stayed right where he was and I tried to scooch back as far as I could so he was able to get by.  The entire time he is LAYING on his horn screaming and waiving at me.  I really didn't mean it sir, I am so sorry.  I was pretty shaken by the whole thing and quite frankly my feelings were hurt by the irate truck driver yelling at me.  Somehow everyone else made it past me just fine.  Why he couldn't just give me the 'ol stank eye and drive on past I don't know.  That is my weapon of choice (the stank eye) when I am mad at someone on the road.  It lets them know you are annoyed and you want them to think about their actions.  Spread the word people, stank eye is the way to go.  Maybe I can start a movement complete with cutesy signs with catchy sayings to promote this movement that we can post on facebook.  Works for everything else right!

Most days I end up on the same bus with lots of the same people.  There is this one lady who I have seen since I started riding the bus and really want to share something with her.  Ya see, she only seems to fix the front of her hair each day.  Its the strangest thing.  She has short hair and she curls the front upwards and fluffs it up.  Then it looks like she grabbed maybe two wads of hair towards the back and quickly stuck a curling iron in it.  She doesn't even bother to separate these wads or fluff them.  I cant quite figure out why she wouldn't take a gander at the back of her head at some point in her life.  Yesterday I sat behind her and was fixated on her wads of hair.  I wanted to separate them and fluff her all up.  I even thought of ways I could maybe touch her head.  Like if I did the head rub thing and was like "hey you, hows it going".  But we don't know each other so that might be weird.  Then I started thinking, maybe she never looks behind herself for a reason.  If you don't look behind you, you don't know whats wrong back there.  I mean, most of my flaws are on the back side of me...what the heck....I should have done this a long time ago instead of dieting and such!  WOW - problem solved.....I feel better about myself already!

I feel as if I should make a public service announcement.  I know it is tough when you ride the bus and you need to haul stuff to work or home from work. Sometimes you just don't have an option other than driving in and that's silly to do every time you need to carry something. So we all try to be understanding when you are trying to cram yourself in the seat with your item after having knocked everyone's heads off getting to your seat.  But here is where I draw the line.....PLEASE DON'T BRING A STARGAZER LILLY BOUQUET ON THE BUS!!!!! For those of you who don't know this, the lilies have this orange pollen stuff on the stamen or pistol (can't remember my flower anatomy) that will stain your clothes worse than anything you have ever seen!!!!! I mean this stuff is impossible to get out of clothes. So it might be best if you either leave your flowers at work or drive yourself.  I wont hesitate to hand you my dry cleaning bill should you spread your pollen! Keep your pollen to yourself!

That is all. :)

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Shut Your Mouth, I Need Coffee! & Reasons Why KDB Hates to Shop

I have had a few things to share with everyone this week and I have been a bit hesitant to do so.  There hasn't been anything super funny happening and I much prefer the funny stuff. Lately it has been a decent amount of really annoying people.  Or people that make you wonder how they function day to day and actually survive.

I don't want to seem tacky only discussing those type of folks...but its all I've got to work with right now. Remember the interesting guy who carries the sword with him?  I posted a picture of him earlier in my blog.  The first time I saw him I studied him for my 45 minute ride home as he stood in the aisle with his sword strapped to his back.  I pondered things like, if he had gotten a seat what would he have done with the sword? Would he think I was weird if I jumped up and screamed "en guard" (how could he) or if I sang For Camelot to him?  What type of person is he???? Well apparently he rides my bus on the regs so I am slowly learning more about him.  Eventually I will get close enough to strike up a convo just for you guys!  Here is what I learned about him this week: he has an affinity for knitting! Yep, that's right.....like with yarn and knitting needles.  He went on a long rant to some poor lady about this yarn maker he once met. WHAT THA WHAT? Didn't see that coming!

This weeks theme has been THE LOUD TALKER!!!  Earlier in the week a lady sat across the aisle from me and decided to take a phone call as she got on the bus.  Talking on the bus is a little more acceptable in the afternoon than it is in the morning in my opinion.  She starts talking and dear lord, she was blowing out my ear drums! She had a heavy accent so I really couldn't figure out what she was talking about but boy was she a megaphone mouth.  I am not sure what made her think everyone in the bus cared to listen to her.  Not only was she loud but she stayed on her phone the entire ride.  I never want to make people feel bad so I try to endure as much as I can.  But the woman wouldn't shut up.  Just lower your decibel lady!!!

She was even able to take her annoying factor to a whole new level. Part of the way through her convo she started doing this weird noise repeatedly!!  I am not quite sure I can describe it in words.  Wish I could just insert a sound clip.  You know the noise you make when you put your tongue behind your teeth and make that sort of clicking noise that usually indicates that you are displeased.  Like when you get in trouble and instead of your mom saying "shame on you" she just repeats this noise a few times.  Geerr, not sure how to explain it but it was FREAKING ANNOYING! She must have been stating her displeasure with what was being said on the other end of that phone.  But she wouldn't stop doing it! I couldn't take it.

So, I decide I had to let her know shes annoying, somehow.  I am not brave enough to just say SSSHHHHH, so here is what I did.  I was sitting there TRYING to read my book. I whip my head around towards her making sure to sling my hair a bit for dramatic effect.  I tilted my chin down and cut my eyes upwards at her and held the stink eye glare for a few moments (I was channeling my inner pissed off Cathy - my mom - hoping to have it down pat by the time I have kids).  I softly (little louder than a whisper) said "Geez".  Then whipped my head right back around.  Do you think this even got her attention...no....but it did manage to make my neck hurt and get my hair in my lip gloss!

In keeping with this weeks theme I sat down by this tiny lady (for reasons I will explain in a bit) on my way in this morning.  Here I am thinking I would have a nice relaxing ride in.  BOY WAS I IN FOR A SURPRISE!  Two seconds after we start on our journey downtown she gets on her phone.  She too has an accent but I am close enough to at least get bits and pieces of the convo.  It makes it more entertaining if you can follow the storyline.  Anywho, she gets on her phone and is having an intense conversation with someone REALLY LOUDLY at 6:15 in the morning.  WHYYYYY????? Its not acceptable to talk in the morning.  (I make exceptions for people who are on the phone with their children or elderly parents....but for nothing else).  She clearly was on the phone with a girlfriend and they were moaning and complaining about some other friend or family member.  Mulling over why this person did something awful to them. WHO FREAKING CARES! The other 22 (allowing and hour for her ride home) do not involve 100 other people stuck in a confined space forced to listen to your loud rants.  Choose anyone of those 22 hours and HAVE AT IT LADY. If you haven't noticed I haven't been making coffee at home in the am....maybe I should get the Keurig out again and possibly save a life.

If you are now wondering why I chose the tiny female to sit next to it was because I am testing a theory.  I seem to have constant trouble with the men I sit next to.  They often think they own the seat and I can maybe have what they have left over after they get themselves situated and comfortable.  NOT FAIR! So this guy walk into the bus (ha ha ha, is this like a guy walks into a bar..??) and me being the people watcher that I am, I watch all the folks walking on.  Forgetting if you make eye contact with a man (most of the time) he will usually then choose to sit by you.  Its weird. So he comes over and takes a seat. 

We got off to a BAD start right from the get go.  He PLOPPED down in the seat not even taking into account that my thigh was right there, and he takes off my left leg just about.  So I readjust myself.  I scoot AS FAR AS I CAN towards the window.  My right cheek is smooshed up against a very cold wall.  I reach down and pull my pashmina wrap out from under his rump and pull my bag a little closer to me as well.  I am sure it is obvious that I am a bit bothered by his abrupt arrival. But NO he didn't get that.  This guy spreads his legs until his leg is touching mine long enough to take his roller bag and shove it at his feet.  Funny how so many people manage to do that without rubbing up on their neighbor.  He starts to get situated in his seat and I think maybe the storm has passed.  Oh man, not so.  He relaxes his legs after getting his bag in and leans his right leg against me! NO TOUCHING SIR!  I can't handle sitting up against a perfect stranger feeling the heat off their body.  GAG! So I do the wiggle in my seat to maybe get him to readjust....nope...didn't work.  I shoved my wrap in between us and winced my mouth together in disgust for the rest of the trip.  I started thinking about how annoying this was and realized, I have never sat by a woman and had this problem.  That is why this am I decide to pick a small female to sit by in hopes of having a better morning commute....you see how that turned out. 

Everyday my bus stops at the northwest transit center.  Its a big bus hub with a variety of people.  So you never know who's going to join you for the rest of the commute.  One day this week we were on our way home and stopped at the northwest transit center.  A few people got off the bus and a few more got one.  The driver was about to pull the doors closed when a burly man covered in tattoos abruptly gets on the bus.  It is how I would imagine Kramer from Seinfeld would get on a bus.  He was half running, half skidding in a sideways manner.  Then he runs the rest of the way down the aisle to the back of the bus.  I was looking around wondering if anyone else saw all of that! 

And last but not least REASONS WHY I'M NOT COOL:
Last week I talked my husband into going to Kirkland's with me (cue the treacherous music).  We had to get out to make a Home Depot run and Kirkland's was right across the street and I needed to look at something (yes, decor is a need).  He does this thing where he thinks he is being a nice husband by not fussing about being in the store with me and occupies himself with games on his phone or reads ESPN or something to protect his manhood.  I am thankful he didn't have me make another trip back to the same area after taking him home once we were done at Home Depot.  But, I find it rather annoying to have someone walk right up behind me following my every move.  I don't quite know how to explain this.  So if I am walking down an aisle and he is right behind me....and I see something I might have passed up and I do a small backtrack....we run into each other or he makes the tiny backtrack with me instead of staying put where he was.  This is particularly fun when he is pushing the buggy in say...Target or something (that's another adventure we had this week). 

We are walking around Kirkland's and I am TRYING not to backtrack.  We make it around the entire store (because I have to see all my options) and I head back to the beginning to grab the item I decided on.  It was on the bottom shelf (of course) so I reach down there to pull this box out.  I had no clue there was a glass pillar candle on the edge of the shelf.  When I pull the box out it hits the candle and it shatters into a million pieces.  The store was dead silent so everyone looks.  The lady comes over thrilled to have to clean up my mess I am sure.  My husband immediately starts laughing....and so do I.....all while I was shrugging my shoulders sheepishly saying I am sorry.  Now I have just given him another reason not to run an errand with me!!!!!  AND THIS IS WHY WE CANT HAVE NICE THINGS!

**Honey, just for the record I love laughing about these silly things....please don't quit going places with me.  I would rather you be there and annoy me (not like a real annoyance....like a cute one) than to not be with you. Unless I am on a mission and don't have time for you to come, or I want to piddle around in a store cause you stink at that. Besides, how else and I going to share my quirks with you like my ability to grab the attention of an entire store?

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Catching Up..Oh the things yall have missed!

I have taken a bit of a hiatus from my bus diaries lately but that doesn't mean that I haven't had anything happening that's for sure.  I have been keeping notes as things occurred so that I could be sure to share them with you!

Lets see....

One never gets used to the random crazy homeless people who walk up to you while you are in line waiting on the bus.  We do things like try to avoid eye contact, busy yourself with finding something in your bag etc.  But that only works when you KNOW they are crazy by the stench that approaches first and their disheveled look.  As I was walking up to my line the other day there was a perfectly normal looking man in business attire who had sequestered some innocent man waiting in the 216 line.  He was ranting on and on about the workers that were in the street drilling.  I tried to listen in to see if he was talking about some drama that I might have missed.  I quickly realized he was BONKERS!  He was clearly upset by something but certainly wasn't getting the point across jumping from subject to subject in his rant.  The poor guy kept trying to turn his back and shake this character but to no avail.  I am starting to realize that ANYONE can be crazy in Houston.  Bless his heart!

Might I go on a bit of a rant myself....sorry to those of you who do not know what I am talking about.  But for the select few who do....maybe this venting will help us to feel better.  I AM SICK OF FEELING LIKE THE REDHEADED STEP CHILD TO THE 214 BUS!  Those of us who ride the 217 stand in the longest line stretched down to the next block just happy to get a small space to stand in for our 45 minute trek home.  214 people have a bus a minute and will turn their noses up at a half full bus!  I say they should be generous and share some of those buses with 217.  Don't think they would even notice!

One evening last week I was riding home and it was a later bus than I normally take.  I sat by the window and shared the row with some guy.  We hit traffic, CAUSE ITS RUSH HOUR, and he starts getting all wound up.  He started mumbling under his breath.  I smile and nod when he looks towards me, cause hey, I don't like traffic either.  Then he starts huffing and puffing.  Oh man, I am CERTAIN he is a road rager like no one I have ever seen when he is driving!  He starts flailing in his seat, fussing under his breath and huffing and puffing.  People are starting to look our direction.  So I do what anyone else would do, I roll my eyes and cock my head as if to say "get a load of this guy" so no one thought I was on team road rage! I am sure he was in a nice mood when he got home.

I didn't know I was claustrophobic until recently.  I had one episode years back but lately its been creeping up on me more often.  I'm sitting on the bus next to a VERY TALL MAN on my right side.  Then at the last stop before we hit the highway we pick up an aisle full of people standing.  This very large man decides to stand right next to me.  So now I am sandwiched in between Tweedledee and Tweedledum with no room for air! I am starting to pant a little.  GULP, breath Rachel!  I start picturing the cartoon version of this with the two Alice and Wonderland characters on either side of me smooshing me and my head is popped out like one of those stress ball things and a big bubble that says GASP, GULP!  Then I realize I have just distracted myself with this thought and bam....we are home! Sometimes it pay to have little cartoon clips happening in your head!

And last but not least.....REASON WHY I'M NOT COOL:
I host a class that all the CPA's in our company attend to get their yearly allotment of hours to keep their license.  Monday was the last one for March.  It was by far the most people we have ever had in a class.  There was NO MORE ROOM! Not to mention we had run out of some of the food!  YIKES! The course gets started and I busy myself.  I got up during the session and took something up to the front to one of the VPs, I walked all around cleaning up the food etc etc.  I was passing the time.  I start to walk around handing out the credit info sheets to EVERYONE IN THE CLASS when I realize I had split the side of my new dress! It had to be about a 3 inch hole!  WHAT! When did this happen.  My lovely friend at the front desk helped safety pin me so that I was decent the rest of the day.  Wonder if anyone would have told me had I started walking around????

Then, the big "I'm not the cool kid" moment.  I am sitting on the VERY FRONT ROW of the bus on the right hand side (see post from earlier in the week...scary ride) so I am the first one off the bus.  I jump off the bus and start up the staircase to the 3rd level where I always park (or I lose my car).  I have a heard of people behind me.  I get to the last flight of stairs when I step right out of my shoe!!!!  DANG IT!  I turn back (stopping the flow of traffic all the way down) and see my shoe sitting a couple of steps down right where I had stepped.  I have to back up, slip my foot back in my shoe and I carry on my merry way....trying not to bust out laughing.  It was funny, but I am sure they were all thinking I was a goober...WAIT...I am!

14 Reasons to Avoid Public Transportation

http://mommyhasapottymouth.com/14-reasons-to-avoid-public-transportation-7778/

Thanks Amber Leone for the laugh!!

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Panic Attack or Dumb & Dumber Reenactment?

It's been a while since I have made a post. I have a list going of things to catch up on so stay tuned. Until then enjoy my current view...cause I'm not. Bus was extremely full when it got to my stop so I am lucky to have a seat. If you read my blog you know thats not a good option for a cluts like me. The open seat was at the very front of the bus! Oh help me little baby Jesus! Not the side behind the driver with the big plastic screen but the other side!!! I am not so comfortable with this! I can't decide if I want to reenact the scene from Dumb and Dumber where they were swinging their arms acting like they were running really fast or have a panic attack. Just a scary view! Now I'm getting tickled thinking about the reactions I could get if I did the Dumb & Dumber silliness. If I only had the guts!

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Prayerful Booger Picker (Bless His Heart)

I often wonder if you hit a certain age and get to the point where you just don't care what people think??? 

Case in point - I was getting on the bus on Tuesday morning and was doing my normal quick glance through the bus to find the right seat.  You want to pick a seat with a smaller person as larger ones don't share well and that's a bad combo with hips like I have.  I usually don't choose the person who is already asleep as they will be in drool world in no time. Don't pick the person with several bags or the huge rolling bag situation. Oh look, this guys  is having some prayer and bible reading time.  This seems a safe bet.  Plus it never hurts to get all up in someones prayer time. Some holy goodness might just stay with ya for the day!!! 

So I decide to take a seat.  The gentleman must have been in his 60's (not saying that's old) and was very well kept.  I am guessing we can give his wife credit for that because a single man over 50 usually has so many stray eyebrow/nose hairs!  I sit down and he finishes up his prayers and starts reading his bible.  I am tinkering on my phone and he turns his reading light on and continues his bible time.  In a few moments he is picking his nose!!!  Not just a quick little scratch of the nose, A FULL BLOW NOSE DIG! Who does this?  Then I get so panicked thinking it was going to get caught in the wind from the air vent and get blown my way.  I start to get a little sick to my stomach...no joke...with a bout of anxiety.  I tried to focus on something else but I couldn't.  Where was he going to put this? Do I offer him a Kleenex?  Doesn't he think its odd that he is picking his nose and rolling and flicking a booger IN PUBLIC??? I really wish I was kidding folks, but I am not. 

I often get a kick out of crude humor but this was a line crosser.  My conclusion...he just didn't care.  If God be for you, who can be against you! (raising hand) ME...I'M AGAINST BOOGER PICKER BUS GUY...bless his heart! (My Grandma says if you say this it cancels out the somewhat negative thing you might have just said about someone).

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Allergies and a French Whore ;)

Reason why I'm not cool...cause I sneeze like a man!!! I was the new kid on the block today in a training class. I was getting to know the other executive assistants and all was well. Until my afternoon allergy attack hit! I wouldn't want to be friends with the gal who sneezes like a man, has a pile of kleenexes and blows her snotty nose every few minutes!! I'm so thankful they were nice and the teacher was forgiving! For my friends who are wondering, I did refrain from using rockets!!

What isn't helping these allergies is the lady across the aisle from me on the bus smelling like a French whore house!! Gag lady! My eyes are burning!!! Using my scarf over my face as a filter! Wonder if someone is blogging about the weird snotty lady with the scarf wrapped around her face!

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Snuggle Bunny

It's extremely amusing to watch the two people in front of me today. There is a big guy trying to read and a petite lady next to him who has fallen asleep. She keeps falling his direction and has almost put her head on his shoulder several times. He keeps looking over at her like "don't you do it lady" and awkwardly tries to nudge her. He he he, she just can't stay awake. He is growing more annoyed by the head bob!!

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Knight of the round table???

BAM!!! Things are exciting again! Just when I had almost given up...this guy comes along. Bus is full so this guy AND his sword are standing. Where would he have put that thing had he sat down? I sort if want to know why he's carrying it??? If I hum some tune from Camelot will he be more incline to talk to me??

Reasons Why I'm not the Cool Kid!!!!

In addition to my bus diaries I think I will add in a new segment.  I will call it "reasons why I'm not the cool kid".  As random things happen to me, as a reminder of why I am not cool, I will share them! Here is an example...

My husband and I were at a car dealership this weekend looking at a car that we were pretty close to buying.  A good friend of mine works at the dealership and had referred us to a really nice salesman.  We went outside to look the car over and then take it for a test drive.  The salesman was walking around the car helping us inspect it and check out the features.  He opens the trunk to show it to us.  I'm standing in the middle and reach in to look at something.  When I pulled my hand back out and was reaching up to grab the trunk, I straight up busted the poor guy in the face smashing his glasses into his head!!!!!  Uh, I'm sorry (hands in the air shrugging shoulders).....Sometimes I think I should give a disclaimer to people I meet, but it would be rather long.  I would include, "might cause bodily harm to herself and others at any given moment (cause she isn't the cool kid)".  Good thing I can laugh at myself.  Learned to at a young age out of self-defense!

Random Excitement and Observations

It seems that as soon as I started this blog, the bus rides have gotten boring.  Nothing super crazy or exciting has gone on.  Its been the smaller weird or humorous items that have kept me entertained this week! Lets see if I can do a brief recap....

-The guy sitting next to me was sleeping with his backpack in his lap and his arms wrapped around the backpack.  As he falls asleep his arms slowly release from the bag and drop! He jolts awake just to clasp his fingers back together and try it again...and BOOM...jolted awake again.  Give it up my friend.

-Seems the buses have been really full lately.  Which means the bus ends up filling up with people standing all the way down the aisles.  I wish I had some crystal ball for knowing when this is going to happen so that I can sit on the inside by the window.  I believe I have mentioned this on Facebook, but this is a real problem to me. Gentlemen, when you are standing in the aisle....please face forward. Don't turn your crotchel region towards my face.  It makes for an awkward ride for me.  I have actually tried to take a picture from my perspective before. I will keep trying but as I point the camera towards some random mans nether regions I always seem to get the giggles! GEEZ RACHEL, GROW UP!

-A friend of mine from work sat by me this week on the way to work.  He quickly mentioned he would do his best not to do anything worthy of making the blog.  I think I have people scared.....

-Yesterday I exited the bus and was rushing to my car in order to make a Dr.'s apt.  I was flying up the three floors of stairs.  Apparently the person in front of me had an upset stomach...they crop dusted me the entire way up the stairs!  It wasn't pleasant at all. What made this even more awkward is there was a group of people behind me!!! So I'm sure they thought it was ME!!!! I was tempted to turn around an announce that it wasn't me but figured that would make me look guilty!  I left it alone and gave the culprit the ol' stank eye as I walked passed them to my car.

-So I am ALL for team spirit! But some people take it to an extreme.  There was a lady on the bus this week who had on an LSU t-shirt and jacket. She was carrying an LSU lunch box and umbrella as well.  Whoa there Barney.....try branching out a bit.

I will be your guide!

A friend sent this to me, so funny!

Friday, February 1, 2013

You can't be vomit girl, ok??

I am reminded of why I hate the Friday bus! My normal bus doesn't have a mid day bus and I get off at noon. Most fridays my cousin picks me up. But sometimes when she is busy I park at another park and ride. The bus ride home is not only packed with people it is 4 or 5 stops!!! I'm so motion sick right now!! Having a serious talk with myself..."self, if you puke on this bus you will be everyone's funny story this weekend". Self doesn't seem to care...still sick. Breath deep! Don't be vomit girl!

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Fendi can't save ya....

There really isn't a way to be cool AND walk down the aisle of the bus when it starts moving (stop and go traffic)!!! This time the uncool kid wasn't me! It was the lady with the my poop don't stink look on her face, 5 inch heels and Fendi bag. Sorry Fendi can't even save ya this time. Too bad she didn't think it was funny, I learned to laugh at myself a long time ago!

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Disclaimer...Pepe Le Pew kind of morning :(

Remember yesterday when I said things have been dull on the bus...well no more....I feel I need to make a disclaimer to anyone I might come in contact with today....I'm pretty certain we hit a skunk!!! Yep, it's seeping into my hair and clothes as we speak!! We didn't just pass one as I'm sure it would have cleared out by now. No, we at least grazed the sucker! It's a bit intoxicating anytime of day but when you are half awake and feeling annoyed by having to function...gggeeerrrr! The bus is about to descend on downtown and we will all disburse and go our separate ways dragging a little bit of Pepe Le Pew with us...it's not me...honest! Maybe the bus driver will write me a note. Like mom used to do for school??

Monday, January 28, 2013

No Toucheeeyyyy!

Oh and another thing...this guy sat by me last week and took up the whole space! I'm glad he was so comfortable in my presence but good gracious! I had to hug the window to keep from touching hips the whole way home. Not my favorite thing Mr. Stranger...personal bubble!!

Old Man Magnet (aka the day I dissed Kenny Rogers)

Yep, apparently that's what I am. Really doesn't matter where I'm at, if there is an older gentleman he's most likely going to try and strike up a convo. I like to think its because I'm refined and sophisticate but I'm guessing its something more along the lines of I actually smile and make eye contact with people (not a big trend among the younger folks in the business world). There are a few gentlemen who I end up on the bus with quite frequently who love to chit chat and will come stand by me in line. As I was just entering the bus I got stared at until I acknowledged this one guy (looks like Kenny Rogers before his scary surgery). But I feel slightly bad because I chose not to sit by him and just did a small bit of chit chat and moved along. Truth be told I wanted to play Ruzzle all the way home and not talk.

Anywho, sorry bus life hasn't been too funny these days. I'm certain it will pick up. I also tried to go back through my Facebook profile to pull my early Bus Diaries but Facebook seems to only show pictures on my timeline and not posts. If anyone knows how I can get to things from last year I posted, let me know. I really think some priceless moments might be list on Facebook limbo!!!

Thursday, January 24, 2013

I ain't a killa, but don't push me!

Excuse me Mr. Stuff my entire office in my backpack man...but you just slammed me in the face with your enormous bag! At least look surprised or sorry or something. I'm really not a morning person (really really not) and if it wasn't for the voice of Jesus in my head and heart...you sir would be toast!! I ain't a killa, but don't push me!!!

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Hot Tamales!!

I haven't figured out why both the busses and department stores find it so hard to adjust the air temperature daily?? It's Texas, the weather changes constantly! I've only been on the bus a short while and people are tinkering with the air vents that are not blowing anything but warm stale air! People are ripping off layers of clothing already! Praying we arrive before the big girl gets necked! Hope there isn't a riot when the heat insanity kicks in!

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Amen, you said it!!!

Dec 3, 2012:
This car was in front of me while I was leaving the Metro park and ride garage...

Catchin' Up

I plan to sit down this evening and go back to the beginning of my bus trips (all 10 months or so) and post all the ones I have put on Facebook in the past. But, until then here are a few starting from around the holidays until now.

Dec. 3, 2012:
You know what’s almost as entertaining as the people on the bus??? Sitting up high and seeing into everyone's vehicles!  So many nose pickers, reading while driving, and today...knitting while driving!

Dec 12, 2012:
Well, things have been fairly uneventful until yesterday.  I have run into this situation a time or two but refrained from posting about it.  But, I have had enough!!! P.S.A. (public service announcement)- It is NEVER ok to fart on the bus!!! It was unusually cruel last night after working late, waiting in the cold in a line a mile long just to have to stand the entire time! Add in there the 20 other people packed in the aisle with me, the smoldering temp on the bus, and my inability to be coordinated enough to stand in a bus while it’s moving! After all of that Sir. Toots-a-lot, I bite my thumb at you!!!

Jan. 3, 2013:
I guess this morning’s ride is a test of my nerves.  Lady next to me is snoring AND tapping her foot.  Bus driver is doing the press hard on the gas, let off, repeat maneuver and did I mention not only does the heater not work...its blowing freezing air!!! I can't feel my feet!!! Counting to ten and taking a deep breath! It's only uphill from here!

Jan. 7, 2013:
I learned a new trick today. If you are blowing your nose as people enter the bus they will avoid sitting next to you.  If being disgusting is all I need to get the bench to myself...I've got this in the bag!

Jan. 9, 2013:
Who knew my bus ride would be even more diet/exercise motivation? My section of the bus is shaking and making me do a slight shimmy - constantly!!! Jiggle, jiggle!!

Jan. 15, 2012:
To the gentleman next to me who won't share the seat...do you know what S.B.D. (Silent But Deadly)means?? You are about to!!!

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Well, You Asked for It!!!! Bus Diaries and other random tales have begun....

Who knew I was funny enough to have been asked many times to start a blog??? I am not sure if this is good or bad but this funny stuff is my life. Ya know, the randomness that happens on a normal (used very loosely) day.  I am 31 (right Tiff?), I live in Houston, TX with my lovely husband.  I commute to work downtown from a suburb of Houston called Cypress. It’s about a 45 minute commute to and from work each day.  I wasn't sure if I would like public transit but after moving to Cypress and realizing I might be capable of murder if I kept driving in each day, I opted for a bus pass.  Oh, not to mention its FREE thanks to my company. 

I will say, I am a much calmer person now that I can just sit back and ride.  But, I had NO CLUE that riding the bus would be as interesting as it is.  I guess when you take that many people and cram them in a small space; it is bound to get interesting from time to time.  So - I started posting on Facebook my BUS DIARIES. Low and behold people thought these things were funny!

If I can figure this whole blogging thing out I will start posting my BUS DIARIES here. So that you too can enjoy my take on public transportation.  If you know me, you understand that this next statement is all too true...RANDOMNESS HAPPENS TO ME! So as life happen, cause its a trip, I will post that here as well.  I sure hope I don't embarrass my family when I let some of this stuff out of my head (everybody give a big sigh for my poor husband...my parents have become accustomed)!

Disclaimer - I am not the best at grammar and being politically correct. I apologize in advance....focus on the content and don't over analyze...it will suck the fun right out of this.

Also - I plan to sit down in the next day or two and post all of my BUS DIARY items that are on Facebook, just need a little time.