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Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Prayerful Booger Picker (Bless His Heart)

I often wonder if you hit a certain age and get to the point where you just don't care what people think??? 

Case in point - I was getting on the bus on Tuesday morning and was doing my normal quick glance through the bus to find the right seat.  You want to pick a seat with a smaller person as larger ones don't share well and that's a bad combo with hips like I have.  I usually don't choose the person who is already asleep as they will be in drool world in no time. Don't pick the person with several bags or the huge rolling bag situation. Oh look, this guys  is having some prayer and bible reading time.  This seems a safe bet.  Plus it never hurts to get all up in someones prayer time. Some holy goodness might just stay with ya for the day!!! 

So I decide to take a seat.  The gentleman must have been in his 60's (not saying that's old) and was very well kept.  I am guessing we can give his wife credit for that because a single man over 50 usually has so many stray eyebrow/nose hairs!  I sit down and he finishes up his prayers and starts reading his bible.  I am tinkering on my phone and he turns his reading light on and continues his bible time.  In a few moments he is picking his nose!!!  Not just a quick little scratch of the nose, A FULL BLOW NOSE DIG! Who does this?  Then I get so panicked thinking it was going to get caught in the wind from the air vent and get blown my way.  I start to get a little sick to my stomach...no joke...with a bout of anxiety.  I tried to focus on something else but I couldn't.  Where was he going to put this? Do I offer him a Kleenex?  Doesn't he think its odd that he is picking his nose and rolling and flicking a booger IN PUBLIC??? I really wish I was kidding folks, but I am not. 

I often get a kick out of crude humor but this was a line crosser.  My conclusion...he just didn't care.  If God be for you, who can be against you! (raising hand) ME...I'M AGAINST BOOGER PICKER BUS GUY...bless his heart! (My Grandma says if you say this it cancels out the somewhat negative thing you might have just said about someone).

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Allergies and a French Whore ;)

Reason why I'm not cool...cause I sneeze like a man!!! I was the new kid on the block today in a training class. I was getting to know the other executive assistants and all was well. Until my afternoon allergy attack hit! I wouldn't want to be friends with the gal who sneezes like a man, has a pile of kleenexes and blows her snotty nose every few minutes!! I'm so thankful they were nice and the teacher was forgiving! For my friends who are wondering, I did refrain from using rockets!!

What isn't helping these allergies is the lady across the aisle from me on the bus smelling like a French whore house!! Gag lady! My eyes are burning!!! Using my scarf over my face as a filter! Wonder if someone is blogging about the weird snotty lady with the scarf wrapped around her face!

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Snuggle Bunny

It's extremely amusing to watch the two people in front of me today. There is a big guy trying to read and a petite lady next to him who has fallen asleep. She keeps falling his direction and has almost put her head on his shoulder several times. He keeps looking over at her like "don't you do it lady" and awkwardly tries to nudge her. He he he, she just can't stay awake. He is growing more annoyed by the head bob!!

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Knight of the round table???

BAM!!! Things are exciting again! Just when I had almost given up...this guy comes along. Bus is full so this guy AND his sword are standing. Where would he have put that thing had he sat down? I sort if want to know why he's carrying it??? If I hum some tune from Camelot will he be more incline to talk to me??

Reasons Why I'm not the Cool Kid!!!!

In addition to my bus diaries I think I will add in a new segment.  I will call it "reasons why I'm not the cool kid".  As random things happen to me, as a reminder of why I am not cool, I will share them! Here is an example...

My husband and I were at a car dealership this weekend looking at a car that we were pretty close to buying.  A good friend of mine works at the dealership and had referred us to a really nice salesman.  We went outside to look the car over and then take it for a test drive.  The salesman was walking around the car helping us inspect it and check out the features.  He opens the trunk to show it to us.  I'm standing in the middle and reach in to look at something.  When I pulled my hand back out and was reaching up to grab the trunk, I straight up busted the poor guy in the face smashing his glasses into his head!!!!!  Uh, I'm sorry (hands in the air shrugging shoulders).....Sometimes I think I should give a disclaimer to people I meet, but it would be rather long.  I would include, "might cause bodily harm to herself and others at any given moment (cause she isn't the cool kid)".  Good thing I can laugh at myself.  Learned to at a young age out of self-defense!

Random Excitement and Observations

It seems that as soon as I started this blog, the bus rides have gotten boring.  Nothing super crazy or exciting has gone on.  Its been the smaller weird or humorous items that have kept me entertained this week! Lets see if I can do a brief recap....

-The guy sitting next to me was sleeping with his backpack in his lap and his arms wrapped around the backpack.  As he falls asleep his arms slowly release from the bag and drop! He jolts awake just to clasp his fingers back together and try it again...and BOOM...jolted awake again.  Give it up my friend.

-Seems the buses have been really full lately.  Which means the bus ends up filling up with people standing all the way down the aisles.  I wish I had some crystal ball for knowing when this is going to happen so that I can sit on the inside by the window.  I believe I have mentioned this on Facebook, but this is a real problem to me. Gentlemen, when you are standing in the aisle....please face forward. Don't turn your crotchel region towards my face.  It makes for an awkward ride for me.  I have actually tried to take a picture from my perspective before. I will keep trying but as I point the camera towards some random mans nether regions I always seem to get the giggles! GEEZ RACHEL, GROW UP!

-A friend of mine from work sat by me this week on the way to work.  He quickly mentioned he would do his best not to do anything worthy of making the blog.  I think I have people scared.....

-Yesterday I exited the bus and was rushing to my car in order to make a Dr.'s apt.  I was flying up the three floors of stairs.  Apparently the person in front of me had an upset stomach...they crop dusted me the entire way up the stairs!  It wasn't pleasant at all. What made this even more awkward is there was a group of people behind me!!! So I'm sure they thought it was ME!!!! I was tempted to turn around an announce that it wasn't me but figured that would make me look guilty!  I left it alone and gave the culprit the ol' stank eye as I walked passed them to my car.

-So I am ALL for team spirit! But some people take it to an extreme.  There was a lady on the bus this week who had on an LSU t-shirt and jacket. She was carrying an LSU lunch box and umbrella as well.  Whoa there Barney.....try branching out a bit.

I will be your guide!

A friend sent this to me, so funny!

Friday, February 1, 2013

You can't be vomit girl, ok??

I am reminded of why I hate the Friday bus! My normal bus doesn't have a mid day bus and I get off at noon. Most fridays my cousin picks me up. But sometimes when she is busy I park at another park and ride. The bus ride home is not only packed with people it is 4 or 5 stops!!! I'm so motion sick right now!! Having a serious talk with myself..."self, if you puke on this bus you will be everyone's funny story this weekend". Self doesn't seem to care...still sick. Breath deep! Don't be vomit girl!