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Thursday, May 16, 2013

My Metro Bus Version of E! News (queue catchy music)

**I would like to implement a new rule for all the bus riders at 6am in the morning.  If you are a cutesy, perfectly put together female....please do not sit in my general vicinity on the bus. You make me look bad! When I wake up, I do just the bare minimum to not look homeless or embarrass my bosses.  Heck most of my thoughts when I am getting dressed center around figuring out how soon I can get to bed that night and NOT what adorable ensemble I can put together. Halfway through the day I do start thinking that maybe I should have spent more time putting together an outfit or making up my face (after coffee has taken effect). 

I look especially bad compared to this cutest gal on my same morning bus.  Granted she is younger than me. But, she is just so well dressed every day, from her cute hair-dos to her pressed clothing and her high heels that she wears from her car, down the stairs and to the bus (while I am loafing along in my granny flats...I used to care...).  Now, I have never been one of those girls who hates other girls for being cute.  So go on with your bad self little Missy.  But I have to say, I saw her the other morning without makeup and thought to myself "YAY, she isn't perfect all the time and she isn't feeling the AM anymore than I am".  But alas, my moment of feeling better about myself was soon dissipated by her AMAZING ability to put on her entire face while riding on a bus.  COMPLETE WITH EYE LINER!!! What tha???....I sort of idolize her now.  Good gravy would I be a hot mess!!  Not only would I have a road map drawn all over my face with eye liner etc, I would gouge my eye out and be squirting blood in no time.  I gotta give her even more credit.....home girl has skills!

**One of the most entertaining things on the bus ride is actually listening to the dispatchers and bus drivers talking over their radios back and forth to each other.  Sometimes you get a bus driver who has their radio volume turned up full blast and you get to enjoy the banter.  I have chuckled every now and then at some of the things that are said.  But for the most part they keep it copacetic.  We got so lucky the other day when our driver had his radio up loud.  It was a conversation between a bus driver and the dispatcher and they were NOT getting along at all.  You could first here the sarcasm in their voices, then the dispatcher lady cut to the chase.  She called the bus driver out and straight up told him he was being rude and he needed to "listen better".  Oh man....it was on.  He did not appreciate that and he let her know.  I just couldn't believe they were doing all of this over the radio waves knowing anyone could listen in.  I wish we could have chimed in and egged them on!  That's what I call some good quality entertainment!

**OK - This story is complete with a picture at the end.  Although its not the best.  I was trying to snap a picture but the lighting was off. Then when I got a better shot I was worried I would be found out.  Here's the story: This week I was standing at the bus stop waiting for my bus after work.  I was probably 4th in line and my bus number is in the middle of two other buses lines.  I look up and the lady at the very front of the line to my left was a sight to behold.  She was a short lady I'm guessing in her late 60's.  She has short hair and is wearing a bright blue headband with HUGE blue roses across one side of it.  As I was taking in the rest of her outfit I realize that she was very color coordinated!!!  She had on a SHEER black shirt with stars on it and a BRIGHT BLUE bra on underneath it.  I mean, she was spot on with her headband bra matching but....it just seemed a bit inappropriate to me. I will say, I have never once thought to myself...."hhhmmm I wonder if I have a headband to match this bra".  But who knows, it might be in In Style Magazine next week! Little trend setter? I sure hope not....I don't have the headband collection for that...ha ha. (I cut her head off but she walked away before I could retake the picture)

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

...In Addition

In conjunction with my post today...Just got on the bus for my ride home. And as luck would have it...I picked a broken seat!!! This time I warned the gentleman behind me that its broken and I'm sorry in advance if I end up in his lap. To which he replies "well no problem, don't be sorry". Guess I set myself up for that!

Add to my current misery the bus has NO AC and its actually hot today when there isn't air movement. The bus driver was telling every 5 people or so but I didn't know until I was on the bus. I feel the mood in here darkening!

Several Reasons Why I Annoy Myself and Other Metro Tales

Well, its been a while since I have blogged.  I was feeling pretty crummy the last couple of weeks and it seems when I am ill my funny bone is the first thing that goes!  But, I think I am back in action!  Just because I was down and out certainly doesn't mean my fellow bus riders were.  I have plenty of stuff to share. 

Lets see, I think the first thing I would like to share with you could also be classified as one of my REASONS I'M NOT COOL moments and a funny bus tale.  A couple of weeks back I had gotten on the bus but was one of the last passengers on so there was slim pickings when it came to finding a seat.  There were two open seats. I could either have the person who sat on the outside seat get up and let me in (my preference since I like the inside seat but hate getting the death stare from the outside seat rider) OR I could sit in the aisle seat further back.  I decided to make the least amount of commotion....that was my intent anyway...and I chose the open seat on the outside.

I sit down in the seat and work on getting my tote bag situated on the floorboard where it wouldn't roll down the aisle.  The other seat fills up as I am thinking about how thankful I was not to have gotten the dirty look and eye roll that the poor gal who asked to sit in the open window spot did. The bus starts rolling right as I lean back to get ready for my morning nap and dang it if the stupid seat wasn't broken and I went flying backward into the guy behind me's lap!!!!!  I am pretty sure I startled the person next to me as well as the poor gent who's lap I was now practically laying in.  I make my apologies and pull the seat back up.  I am not sure why but I thought maybe if I just leaned back gently it would be OK.  So I give it another try...and then BAM I was right back in this poor guys lap.  OOPS!  I thought about asking the guy behind me for a head rub since he was right there but opted out.  I pull the darn thing back up and I had to lean forward the rest of the trip.  How the heck am I supposed to get a nap like that!  Think about how many people this happened to through out the day!

I usually see the same few bus drivers on the morning rotation.  They all have very different personalities.  I like to say good morning  when I get on the bus.  Some seem to like it, and some don't.  There is one middle aged gentleman who is always chipper.  He greets you as you get on the bus and as you exit.  He seems very nice.  But, I think I know his pet peeve.  We had turned onto the street my office is on and had made a stop to let people off.  I guess someone was walking across the street while they were talking on their cell phone. He starts yelling at them to get off their phone while walking across the street! He is going to town fussing at them!  I can't hear all he is saying to them and don't have a clue why this would bother this seemingly nice fellow.  Tell ya what, I dare not pull out my cell phone when he is my driver.  Is there some law or something that went into effect that I am not aware of? 

I would like to issue an allergy season disclaimer.  I myself am an allergy sufferer. I understand the woes of this plight.  But there are rules people!!!!!  Simple rules that they teach in pre-K to little children.  The rules still stand!!!  One inparticular that needs to be strictly adhered to.  PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, cough into your sleeve, or anything else that is yours and will shield us from your germy nastiness!  I had a guy right behind me hacking up a lung and wasn't trying to cover it up at all.  The only things that kept going through my head (except for OH GOD I'M GETTING SICK) is a mental picture of the mucus family from that Mucinex commercial flying out of his mouth and landing on my head.  Those things scare the crap out of me.  I turn those commercials as soon as I see them!  GAG AND NO THANK YOU! I would much prefer for Mr. & Mrs. Flem to stay with you!

Sometimes when I acknowledge to myself that something is annoying it starts to become a HUGE pet peeve that ends up just really making me crazy (like when I acknowledged the annoying sound my hair dryer makes when I cut it off...sounds like an airplane descending.  Now I can't NOT think about that when I cut it off). Case in point - the parking garage at the Metro station where I live is really very nice.  EXCEPT it has A MILLION speed bumps in it.  AND they are the double ones where you drive over two that are side by side and then immediately hit two more that are side by side.  They are so frequent too!  I counted the other day and there were over 20 some odd speed bumps from where I park to the exit.  Seriously!  And good lord, if you don't hit those suckers straight on and go sideways just a smidgen, the double speed bump situation will give you brain damage and knock a few parts off your car! I wonder if there is a candid camera somewhere just watching us dummies go over all those things?? Not gonna lie, once I started thinking about this each day, I started watching the movement of the people going over them in front of me and boy is it entertaining!  I know - doesn't take much to keep me entertained!

Not sure how many people will catch this....but.....I am CERTAIN that Mokiki works in downtown Houston! I have seen him several times!  And although he WAS NOT doing the sloppy swish, his distinct appearance is unmistakable.  You think he gives out autographs?

And last but not least - REASONS WHY I'M NOT COOL.....
There is a gentleman who rides my bus line who must have the same schedule as me.  We end up on the bus morning and night at the same time.  He is very friendly.  We chit chat in line and will sit and chat on the bus from time to time.  He works right down the road from me and needed to drive in one day and his usual people that ride with him so he can take the HOV lane were not available.  He asked me if I would be interested in riding home with him one particular day.  So I said sure no problem! He picks me up and we shoot onto the HOV and are at the bus stop to get my car in no time.  He is a very nice guy and easy to talk to so we chatted it up.  He pulls around to the front of the Metro parking garage to let me out and as I am saying goodbye and gathering my things I start to step out of the car.  When I did, my shoe gets caught up and I step right out of it.  Its on his floorboard and I am standing outside! I had to stick my foot back in his car and retrieve my dang shoe before I could close the door.  REALLY, whats the deal??? Stuff like that barely phases me and he didn't acknowledge it very much so I scooted past it.  But had I been him and seen someone do that I would have cracked up!  Lesson - get new shoes this is becoming a habit! 

Well, although I am not the story tell I can sometimes be.....now you are up to date!  Anyone else have the sloppy swish stuck in your head????