Well hello friends and fellow bus riders! It has been a while. Life has been extremely busy lately and I have been paddling as fast as I can to keep up! But, no matter how busy life gets.....people are still crazy! So here is an update on a couple of things that have been going on.
Many of my friends and family know how funny I think it is when people fall. I know, sounds so mean. But I look at it this way. I am a cluts! I trip and/or fall all the time and give people plenty to laugh at. Therefore, I can laugh at others when they trip and/or fall. Its a rule OK! My bus makes a stop at another transit center on its journey to and from downtown. Usually I am sleeping and never know what happens at this stop. But God must have known that I needed a giggle because I couldn't sleep the other day. I was just sitting there minding my own business, sulking about having to be awake and all, when I see this gentleman running for a bus. He is hightailing it from the parking lot to one of the other buses at the transit center. I was sitting there thinking "poor guy, I hate that type of morning". I see him cross the street waiving his arms and running when all of the sudden his foot hits the curb as he goes to step up onto the platform. It was like slow motion.....He kicks the curb, throws his arms down to catch himself, takes a quick glance around to see who all saw him and stands up to continue running. OH MY WORD!! I got so tickled. Poor thing didn't make it to his but after all and he had a captive audience of bus passengers watching the whole thing go down. Thank you kind sir for the morning giggle. Now go home and crawl back into bed!
I got to sit by a blast from the past!!! I mentioned an older lady a while back that I sat down by on the bus. Well she must have the same reaction every time someone sits by her OR she REALLY doesn't like me. Both times I have taken the seat by her, as soon as I sit down she starts scooting over. There is only so much room and you can only move over so much. Shes kept forgetting and fighting to get further away from me but was smack up against the window so I don't know where she though she was moving over to. Everything in me wanted to keep scooting her way to see what she would do. Soon after she got settled, AS FAR AWAY as she could get from me, she gets on her cellphone. She calls her mom first and speaks to her VERY loudly mostly about the weather report. I turned my head to shield my ears from her loud mouth. As soon as she was wrapping her convo up I turned my head back around. But do you know what that heifer did??? She made another phone call....to her dad. Oh gracious....I really was trying hard to stay calm. Thankfully this conversation didn't last as long. She hung up and then leaned her chair back and closed her eyes. I took a sigh of relief and started reading my book for a moment. I get a few pages in when out of the blue the lady popped straight up from her reclined seat aggressively clasps her hand, bows her head, and starts mumbling a prayer under her breath. I start looking around to see if there is some emergency that I have missed but don't see anything. WHAT IN THE WORLD??? At thsi point I am totally staring her down with a very confused look on my face and I wasn't trying to hide it. What is wrong with this lady???? I have made a mental sketch of her face in my head so I can avoid any future bus rides next to her. Shes too much of a lose cannon!
There are often times where I wish I could take a picture of things that happen to me or situations I get myself into. Because some are just too funny. I sometimes envision some of these instances drawn up like a comic strip. One of these moments happened to me on the bus the other day. The chairs on the bus sit in little tracks that allow the seats to move forwards or backwards. I am not sure why they would need to move them around but sometimes when you get on the bus you will notice that the chairs are not evenly spaced. Which for someone like me.....messes with your head. One morning I get on the bus and realize there are only 2 seats left to chose from. One was by a larger guy and the other was next to a smaller lady. Well of course I picked the smaller lady. The person who got on the bus behind me grabbed the last open spot. I took a seat and quickly realize that my row had been moved forward and was entirely too close to the row in front of us. I scooch back as far as my butt will go in the seat and attempt to cram my legs in the row. I angled myself at first but I touched the lady next to me and since I don't like strangers to touch me I decided to be nice and quit leaning my legs on this poor lady. So I yank my legs back through the tight spot and am awkwardly trying to get comfortable. By this point the lady next to me has to be annoyed that I am still wiggling around so I feel bad and try to get still as possible. By this point I have wedged my legs straight in front of me but have them picked up about chin level and leaning up on the back of the chair in front of me. All of the sudden I get a mental picture of what this has to look like and start to laugh. I begin to sing a modified version of the SNL song "FAT GUY IN A LITTLE COAT" but I change it to "FAT GAL IN A LITTLE ROW"! Oh man, Life is so entertaining!
Have a great weekend all!
Friday, June 21, 2013
Thursday, May 16, 2013
My Metro Bus Version of E! News (queue catchy music)
**I would like to implement a new rule for all the bus riders at 6am in the morning. If you are a cutesy, perfectly put together female....please do not sit in my general vicinity on the bus. You make me look bad! When I wake up, I do just the bare minimum to not look homeless or embarrass my bosses. Heck most of my thoughts when I am getting dressed center around figuring out how soon I can get to bed that night and NOT what adorable ensemble I can put together. Halfway through the day I do start thinking that maybe I should have spent more time putting together an outfit or making up my face (after coffee has taken effect).
I look especially bad compared to this cutest gal on my same morning bus. Granted she is younger than me. But, she is just so well dressed every day, from her cute hair-dos to her pressed clothing and her high heels that she wears from her car, down the stairs and to the bus (while I am loafing along in my granny flats...I used to care...). Now, I have never been one of those girls who hates other girls for being cute. So go on with your bad self little Missy. But I have to say, I saw her the other morning without makeup and thought to myself "YAY, she isn't perfect all the time and she isn't feeling the AM anymore than I am". But alas, my moment of feeling better about myself was soon dissipated by her AMAZING ability to put on her entire face while riding on a bus. COMPLETE WITH EYE LINER!!! What tha???....I sort of idolize her now. Good gravy would I be a hot mess!! Not only would I have a road map drawn all over my face with eye liner etc, I would gouge my eye out and be squirting blood in no time. I gotta give her even more credit.....home girl has skills!
**One of the most entertaining things on the bus ride is actually listening to the dispatchers and bus drivers talking over their radios back and forth to each other. Sometimes you get a bus driver who has their radio volume turned up full blast and you get to enjoy the banter. I have chuckled every now and then at some of the things that are said. But for the most part they keep it copacetic. We got so lucky the other day when our driver had his radio up loud. It was a conversation between a bus driver and the dispatcher and they were NOT getting along at all. You could first here the sarcasm in their voices, then the dispatcher lady cut to the chase. She called the bus driver out and straight up told him he was being rude and he needed to "listen better". Oh man....it was on. He did not appreciate that and he let her know. I just couldn't believe they were doing all of this over the radio waves knowing anyone could listen in. I wish we could have chimed in and egged them on! That's what I call some good quality entertainment!
**OK - This story is complete with a picture at the end. Although its not the best. I was trying to snap a picture but the lighting was off. Then when I got a better shot I was worried I would be found out. Here's the story: This week I was standing at the bus stop waiting for my bus after work. I was probably 4th in line and my bus number is in the middle of two other buses lines. I look up and the lady at the very front of the line to my left was a sight to behold. She was a short lady I'm guessing in her late 60's. She has short hair and is wearing a bright blue headband with HUGE blue roses across one side of it. As I was taking in the rest of her outfit I realize that she was very color coordinated!!! She had on a SHEER black shirt with stars on it and a BRIGHT BLUE bra on underneath it. I mean, she was spot on with her headband bra matching but....it just seemed a bit inappropriate to me. I will say, I have never once thought to myself...."hhhmmm I wonder if I have a headband to match this bra". But who knows, it might be in In Style Magazine next week! Little trend setter? I sure hope not....I don't have the headband collection for that...ha ha. (I cut her head off but she walked away before I could retake the picture)
I look especially bad compared to this cutest gal on my same morning bus. Granted she is younger than me. But, she is just so well dressed every day, from her cute hair-dos to her pressed clothing and her high heels that she wears from her car, down the stairs and to the bus (while I am loafing along in my granny flats...I used to care...). Now, I have never been one of those girls who hates other girls for being cute. So go on with your bad self little Missy. But I have to say, I saw her the other morning without makeup and thought to myself "YAY, she isn't perfect all the time and she isn't feeling the AM anymore than I am". But alas, my moment of feeling better about myself was soon dissipated by her AMAZING ability to put on her entire face while riding on a bus. COMPLETE WITH EYE LINER!!! What tha???....I sort of idolize her now. Good gravy would I be a hot mess!! Not only would I have a road map drawn all over my face with eye liner etc, I would gouge my eye out and be squirting blood in no time. I gotta give her even more credit.....home girl has skills!
**One of the most entertaining things on the bus ride is actually listening to the dispatchers and bus drivers talking over their radios back and forth to each other. Sometimes you get a bus driver who has their radio volume turned up full blast and you get to enjoy the banter. I have chuckled every now and then at some of the things that are said. But for the most part they keep it copacetic. We got so lucky the other day when our driver had his radio up loud. It was a conversation between a bus driver and the dispatcher and they were NOT getting along at all. You could first here the sarcasm in their voices, then the dispatcher lady cut to the chase. She called the bus driver out and straight up told him he was being rude and he needed to "listen better". Oh man....it was on. He did not appreciate that and he let her know. I just couldn't believe they were doing all of this over the radio waves knowing anyone could listen in. I wish we could have chimed in and egged them on! That's what I call some good quality entertainment!
**OK - This story is complete with a picture at the end. Although its not the best. I was trying to snap a picture but the lighting was off. Then when I got a better shot I was worried I would be found out. Here's the story: This week I was standing at the bus stop waiting for my bus after work. I was probably 4th in line and my bus number is in the middle of two other buses lines. I look up and the lady at the very front of the line to my left was a sight to behold. She was a short lady I'm guessing in her late 60's. She has short hair and is wearing a bright blue headband with HUGE blue roses across one side of it. As I was taking in the rest of her outfit I realize that she was very color coordinated!!! She had on a SHEER black shirt with stars on it and a BRIGHT BLUE bra on underneath it. I mean, she was spot on with her headband bra matching but....it just seemed a bit inappropriate to me. I will say, I have never once thought to myself...."hhhmmm I wonder if I have a headband to match this bra". But who knows, it might be in In Style Magazine next week! Little trend setter? I sure hope not....I don't have the headband collection for that...ha ha. (I cut her head off but she walked away before I could retake the picture)
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
...In Addition
In conjunction with my post today...Just got on the bus for my ride home. And as luck would have it...I picked a broken seat!!! This time I warned the gentleman behind me that its broken and I'm sorry in advance if I end up in his lap. To which he replies "well no problem, don't be sorry". Guess I set myself up for that!
Add to my current misery the bus has NO AC and its actually hot today when there isn't air movement. The bus driver was telling every 5 people or so but I didn't know until I was on the bus. I feel the mood in here darkening!
Add to my current misery the bus has NO AC and its actually hot today when there isn't air movement. The bus driver was telling every 5 people or so but I didn't know until I was on the bus. I feel the mood in here darkening!
Several Reasons Why I Annoy Myself and Other Metro Tales
Well, its been a while since I have blogged. I was feeling pretty crummy the last couple of weeks and it seems when I am ill my funny bone is the first thing that goes! But, I think I am back in action! Just because I was down and out certainly doesn't mean my fellow bus riders were. I have plenty of stuff to share.
Lets see, I think the first thing I would like to share with you could also be classified as one of my REASONS I'M NOT COOL moments and a funny bus tale. A couple of weeks back I had gotten on the bus but was one of the last passengers on so there was slim pickings when it came to finding a seat. There were two open seats. I could either have the person who sat on the outside seat get up and let me in (my preference since I like the inside seat but hate getting the death stare from the outside seat rider) OR I could sit in the aisle seat further back. I decided to make the least amount of commotion....that was my intent anyway...and I chose the open seat on the outside.
I sit down in the seat and work on getting my tote bag situated on the floorboard where it wouldn't roll down the aisle. The other seat fills up as I am thinking about how thankful I was not to have gotten the dirty look and eye roll that the poor gal who asked to sit in the open window spot did. The bus starts rolling right as I lean back to get ready for my morning nap and dang it if the stupid seat wasn't broken and I went flying backward into the guy behind me's lap!!!!! I am pretty sure I startled the person next to me as well as the poor gent who's lap I was now practically laying in. I make my apologies and pull the seat back up. I am not sure why but I thought maybe if I just leaned back gently it would be OK. So I give it another try...and then BAM I was right back in this poor guys lap. OOPS! I thought about asking the guy behind me for a head rub since he was right there but opted out. I pull the darn thing back up and I had to lean forward the rest of the trip. How the heck am I supposed to get a nap like that! Think about how many people this happened to through out the day!
I usually see the same few bus drivers on the morning rotation. They all have very different personalities. I like to say good morning when I get on the bus. Some seem to like it, and some don't. There is one middle aged gentleman who is always chipper. He greets you as you get on the bus and as you exit. He seems very nice. But, I think I know his pet peeve. We had turned onto the street my office is on and had made a stop to let people off. I guess someone was walking across the street while they were talking on their cell phone. He starts yelling at them to get off their phone while walking across the street! He is going to town fussing at them! I can't hear all he is saying to them and don't have a clue why this would bother this seemingly nice fellow. Tell ya what, I dare not pull out my cell phone when he is my driver. Is there some law or something that went into effect that I am not aware of?
I would like to issue an allergy season disclaimer. I myself am an allergy sufferer. I understand the woes of this plight. But there are rules people!!!!! Simple rules that they teach in pre-K to little children. The rules still stand!!! One inparticular that needs to be strictly adhered to. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, cough into your sleeve, or anything else that is yours and will shield us from your germy nastiness! I had a guy right behind me hacking up a lung and wasn't trying to cover it up at all. The only things that kept going through my head (except for OH GOD I'M GETTING SICK) is a mental picture of the mucus family from that Mucinex commercial flying out of his mouth and landing on my head. Those things scare the crap out of me. I turn those commercials as soon as I see them! GAG AND NO THANK YOU! I would much prefer for Mr. & Mrs. Flem to stay with you!
Sometimes when I acknowledge to myself that something is annoying it starts to become a HUGE pet peeve that ends up just really making me crazy (like when I acknowledged the annoying sound my hair dryer makes when I cut it off...sounds like an airplane descending. Now I can't NOT think about that when I cut it off). Case in point - the parking garage at the Metro station where I live is really very nice. EXCEPT it has A MILLION speed bumps in it. AND they are the double ones where you drive over two that are side by side and then immediately hit two more that are side by side. They are so frequent too! I counted the other day and there were over 20 some odd speed bumps from where I park to the exit. Seriously! And good lord, if you don't hit those suckers straight on and go sideways just a smidgen, the double speed bump situation will give you brain damage and knock a few parts off your car! I wonder if there is a candid camera somewhere just watching us dummies go over all those things?? Not gonna lie, once I started thinking about this each day, I started watching the movement of the people going over them in front of me and boy is it entertaining! I know - doesn't take much to keep me entertained!
Not sure how many people will catch this....but.....I am CERTAIN that Mokiki works in downtown Houston! I have seen him several times! And although he WAS NOT doing the sloppy swish, his distinct appearance is unmistakable. You think he gives out autographs?
And last but not least - REASONS WHY I'M NOT COOL.....
There is a gentleman who rides my bus line who must have the same schedule as me. We end up on the bus morning and night at the same time. He is very friendly. We chit chat in line and will sit and chat on the bus from time to time. He works right down the road from me and needed to drive in one day and his usual people that ride with him so he can take the HOV lane were not available. He asked me if I would be interested in riding home with him one particular day. So I said sure no problem! He picks me up and we shoot onto the HOV and are at the bus stop to get my car in no time. He is a very nice guy and easy to talk to so we chatted it up. He pulls around to the front of the Metro parking garage to let me out and as I am saying goodbye and gathering my things I start to step out of the car. When I did, my shoe gets caught up and I step right out of it. Its on his floorboard and I am standing outside! I had to stick my foot back in his car and retrieve my dang shoe before I could close the door. REALLY, whats the deal??? Stuff like that barely phases me and he didn't acknowledge it very much so I scooted past it. But had I been him and seen someone do that I would have cracked up! Lesson - get new shoes this is becoming a habit!
Well, although I am not the story tell I can sometimes be.....now you are up to date! Anyone else have the sloppy swish stuck in your head????
Lets see, I think the first thing I would like to share with you could also be classified as one of my REASONS I'M NOT COOL moments and a funny bus tale. A couple of weeks back I had gotten on the bus but was one of the last passengers on so there was slim pickings when it came to finding a seat. There were two open seats. I could either have the person who sat on the outside seat get up and let me in (my preference since I like the inside seat but hate getting the death stare from the outside seat rider) OR I could sit in the aisle seat further back. I decided to make the least amount of commotion....that was my intent anyway...and I chose the open seat on the outside.
I sit down in the seat and work on getting my tote bag situated on the floorboard where it wouldn't roll down the aisle. The other seat fills up as I am thinking about how thankful I was not to have gotten the dirty look and eye roll that the poor gal who asked to sit in the open window spot did. The bus starts rolling right as I lean back to get ready for my morning nap and dang it if the stupid seat wasn't broken and I went flying backward into the guy behind me's lap!!!!! I am pretty sure I startled the person next to me as well as the poor gent who's lap I was now practically laying in. I make my apologies and pull the seat back up. I am not sure why but I thought maybe if I just leaned back gently it would be OK. So I give it another try...and then BAM I was right back in this poor guys lap. OOPS! I thought about asking the guy behind me for a head rub since he was right there but opted out. I pull the darn thing back up and I had to lean forward the rest of the trip. How the heck am I supposed to get a nap like that! Think about how many people this happened to through out the day!
I usually see the same few bus drivers on the morning rotation. They all have very different personalities. I like to say good morning when I get on the bus. Some seem to like it, and some don't. There is one middle aged gentleman who is always chipper. He greets you as you get on the bus and as you exit. He seems very nice. But, I think I know his pet peeve. We had turned onto the street my office is on and had made a stop to let people off. I guess someone was walking across the street while they were talking on their cell phone. He starts yelling at them to get off their phone while walking across the street! He is going to town fussing at them! I can't hear all he is saying to them and don't have a clue why this would bother this seemingly nice fellow. Tell ya what, I dare not pull out my cell phone when he is my driver. Is there some law or something that went into effect that I am not aware of?
I would like to issue an allergy season disclaimer. I myself am an allergy sufferer. I understand the woes of this plight. But there are rules people!!!!! Simple rules that they teach in pre-K to little children. The rules still stand!!! One inparticular that needs to be strictly adhered to. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, cough into your sleeve, or anything else that is yours and will shield us from your germy nastiness! I had a guy right behind me hacking up a lung and wasn't trying to cover it up at all. The only things that kept going through my head (except for OH GOD I'M GETTING SICK) is a mental picture of the mucus family from that Mucinex commercial flying out of his mouth and landing on my head. Those things scare the crap out of me. I turn those commercials as soon as I see them! GAG AND NO THANK YOU! I would much prefer for Mr. & Mrs. Flem to stay with you!
Sometimes when I acknowledge to myself that something is annoying it starts to become a HUGE pet peeve that ends up just really making me crazy (like when I acknowledged the annoying sound my hair dryer makes when I cut it off...sounds like an airplane descending. Now I can't NOT think about that when I cut it off). Case in point - the parking garage at the Metro station where I live is really very nice. EXCEPT it has A MILLION speed bumps in it. AND they are the double ones where you drive over two that are side by side and then immediately hit two more that are side by side. They are so frequent too! I counted the other day and there were over 20 some odd speed bumps from where I park to the exit. Seriously! And good lord, if you don't hit those suckers straight on and go sideways just a smidgen, the double speed bump situation will give you brain damage and knock a few parts off your car! I wonder if there is a candid camera somewhere just watching us dummies go over all those things?? Not gonna lie, once I started thinking about this each day, I started watching the movement of the people going over them in front of me and boy is it entertaining! I know - doesn't take much to keep me entertained!
Not sure how many people will catch this....but.....I am CERTAIN that Mokiki works in downtown Houston! I have seen him several times! And although he WAS NOT doing the sloppy swish, his distinct appearance is unmistakable. You think he gives out autographs?
And last but not least - REASONS WHY I'M NOT COOL.....
There is a gentleman who rides my bus line who must have the same schedule as me. We end up on the bus morning and night at the same time. He is very friendly. We chit chat in line and will sit and chat on the bus from time to time. He works right down the road from me and needed to drive in one day and his usual people that ride with him so he can take the HOV lane were not available. He asked me if I would be interested in riding home with him one particular day. So I said sure no problem! He picks me up and we shoot onto the HOV and are at the bus stop to get my car in no time. He is a very nice guy and easy to talk to so we chatted it up. He pulls around to the front of the Metro parking garage to let me out and as I am saying goodbye and gathering my things I start to step out of the car. When I did, my shoe gets caught up and I step right out of it. Its on his floorboard and I am standing outside! I had to stick my foot back in his car and retrieve my dang shoe before I could close the door. REALLY, whats the deal??? Stuff like that barely phases me and he didn't acknowledge it very much so I scooted past it. But had I been him and seen someone do that I would have cracked up! Lesson - get new shoes this is becoming a habit!
Well, although I am not the story tell I can sometimes be.....now you are up to date! Anyone else have the sloppy swish stuck in your head????
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Exhibit A
Here is the best picture I could get of the poor lady and her helpless hairdo! If you don't know what I'm talking about read my last post.
A Movement, a Revelation and a Public Service Announcement
Good day to you!
I just want to start this off by making a HUGE apology to the man who almost hit me head on this morning! Truthfully it really was my fault and I was immediately mouthing to him that I was sorry (I was very animated and everything - even had my hands in the begging/prayer position). Here is what happened.....talk about getting your blood pumping first thing in the am....
I was on Barker Cypress about to turn left onto the feeder street of the 290 freeway. Several cars in front of me were able to take an unprotected left turn. I followed behind them waiting my turn. When my turn came I got a little worried by the car heading straight at me. I just reacted before I really thought it through and put on my breaks and was going to just wait for the next turn. Better safe than sorry I was thinking. I guess not. Next thing I know a truck is heading straight at me head on from the feeder turning left onto Barker Cypress Rd. He screeches to a halt and is laying on his horn. Now, I take full responsibility for this but come on Mr. I was half a car link past the white line and even if I had been behind the line you would have been turning into the oncoming lane pretty much in order to be facing me head on. I immediately start mouthing my apology to the man (insert above mentioned hand gestures). But he stayed right where he was and I tried to scooch back as far as I could so he was able to get by. The entire time he is LAYING on his horn screaming and waiving at me. I really didn't mean it sir, I am so sorry. I was pretty shaken by the whole thing and quite frankly my feelings were hurt by the irate truck driver yelling at me. Somehow everyone else made it past me just fine. Why he couldn't just give me the 'ol stank eye and drive on past I don't know. That is my weapon of choice (the stank eye) when I am mad at someone on the road. It lets them know you are annoyed and you want them to think about their actions. Spread the word people, stank eye is the way to go. Maybe I can start a movement complete with cutesy signs with catchy sayings to promote this movement that we can post on facebook. Works for everything else right!
Most days I end up on the same bus with lots of the same people. There is this one lady who I have seen since I started riding the bus and really want to share something with her. Ya see, she only seems to fix the front of her hair each day. Its the strangest thing. She has short hair and she curls the front upwards and fluffs it up. Then it looks like she grabbed maybe two wads of hair towards the back and quickly stuck a curling iron in it. She doesn't even bother to separate these wads or fluff them. I cant quite figure out why she wouldn't take a gander at the back of her head at some point in her life. Yesterday I sat behind her and was fixated on her wads of hair. I wanted to separate them and fluff her all up. I even thought of ways I could maybe touch her head. Like if I did the head rub thing and was like "hey you, hows it going". But we don't know each other so that might be weird. Then I started thinking, maybe she never looks behind herself for a reason. If you don't look behind you, you don't know whats wrong back there. I mean, most of my flaws are on the back side of me...what the heck....I should have done this a long time ago instead of dieting and such! WOW - problem solved.....I feel better about myself already!
I feel as if I should make a public service announcement. I know it is tough when you ride the bus and you need to haul stuff to work or home from work. Sometimes you just don't have an option other than driving in and that's silly to do every time you need to carry something. So we all try to be understanding when you are trying to cram yourself in the seat with your item after having knocked everyone's heads off getting to your seat. But here is where I draw the line.....PLEASE DON'T BRING A STARGAZER LILLY BOUQUET ON THE BUS!!!!! For those of you who don't know this, the lilies have this orange pollen stuff on the stamen or pistol (can't remember my flower anatomy) that will stain your clothes worse than anything you have ever seen!!!!! I mean this stuff is impossible to get out of clothes. So it might be best if you either leave your flowers at work or drive yourself. I wont hesitate to hand you my dry cleaning bill should you spread your pollen! Keep your pollen to yourself!
That is all. :)
I just want to start this off by making a HUGE apology to the man who almost hit me head on this morning! Truthfully it really was my fault and I was immediately mouthing to him that I was sorry (I was very animated and everything - even had my hands in the begging/prayer position). Here is what happened.....talk about getting your blood pumping first thing in the am....
I was on Barker Cypress about to turn left onto the feeder street of the 290 freeway. Several cars in front of me were able to take an unprotected left turn. I followed behind them waiting my turn. When my turn came I got a little worried by the car heading straight at me. I just reacted before I really thought it through and put on my breaks and was going to just wait for the next turn. Better safe than sorry I was thinking. I guess not. Next thing I know a truck is heading straight at me head on from the feeder turning left onto Barker Cypress Rd. He screeches to a halt and is laying on his horn. Now, I take full responsibility for this but come on Mr. I was half a car link past the white line and even if I had been behind the line you would have been turning into the oncoming lane pretty much in order to be facing me head on. I immediately start mouthing my apology to the man (insert above mentioned hand gestures). But he stayed right where he was and I tried to scooch back as far as I could so he was able to get by. The entire time he is LAYING on his horn screaming and waiving at me. I really didn't mean it sir, I am so sorry. I was pretty shaken by the whole thing and quite frankly my feelings were hurt by the irate truck driver yelling at me. Somehow everyone else made it past me just fine. Why he couldn't just give me the 'ol stank eye and drive on past I don't know. That is my weapon of choice (the stank eye) when I am mad at someone on the road. It lets them know you are annoyed and you want them to think about their actions. Spread the word people, stank eye is the way to go. Maybe I can start a movement complete with cutesy signs with catchy sayings to promote this movement that we can post on facebook. Works for everything else right!
Most days I end up on the same bus with lots of the same people. There is this one lady who I have seen since I started riding the bus and really want to share something with her. Ya see, she only seems to fix the front of her hair each day. Its the strangest thing. She has short hair and she curls the front upwards and fluffs it up. Then it looks like she grabbed maybe two wads of hair towards the back and quickly stuck a curling iron in it. She doesn't even bother to separate these wads or fluff them. I cant quite figure out why she wouldn't take a gander at the back of her head at some point in her life. Yesterday I sat behind her and was fixated on her wads of hair. I wanted to separate them and fluff her all up. I even thought of ways I could maybe touch her head. Like if I did the head rub thing and was like "hey you, hows it going". But we don't know each other so that might be weird. Then I started thinking, maybe she never looks behind herself for a reason. If you don't look behind you, you don't know whats wrong back there. I mean, most of my flaws are on the back side of me...what the heck....I should have done this a long time ago instead of dieting and such! WOW - problem solved.....I feel better about myself already!
I feel as if I should make a public service announcement. I know it is tough when you ride the bus and you need to haul stuff to work or home from work. Sometimes you just don't have an option other than driving in and that's silly to do every time you need to carry something. So we all try to be understanding when you are trying to cram yourself in the seat with your item after having knocked everyone's heads off getting to your seat. But here is where I draw the line.....PLEASE DON'T BRING A STARGAZER LILLY BOUQUET ON THE BUS!!!!! For those of you who don't know this, the lilies have this orange pollen stuff on the stamen or pistol (can't remember my flower anatomy) that will stain your clothes worse than anything you have ever seen!!!!! I mean this stuff is impossible to get out of clothes. So it might be best if you either leave your flowers at work or drive yourself. I wont hesitate to hand you my dry cleaning bill should you spread your pollen! Keep your pollen to yourself!
That is all. :)
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Shut Your Mouth, I Need Coffee! & Reasons Why KDB Hates to Shop
I have had a few things to share with everyone this week and I have been a bit hesitant to do so. There hasn't been anything super funny happening and I much prefer the funny stuff. Lately it has been a decent amount of really annoying people. Or people that make you wonder how they function day to day and actually survive.
I don't want to seem tacky only discussing those type of folks...but its all I've got to work with right now. Remember the interesting guy who carries the sword with him? I posted a picture of him earlier in my blog. The first time I saw him I studied him for my 45 minute ride home as he stood in the aisle with his sword strapped to his back. I pondered things like, if he had gotten a seat what would he have done with the sword? Would he think I was weird if I jumped up and screamed "en guard" (how could he) or if I sang For Camelot to him? What type of person is he???? Well apparently he rides my bus on the regs so I am slowly learning more about him. Eventually I will get close enough to strike up a convo just for you guys! Here is what I learned about him this week: he has an affinity for knitting! Yep, that's right.....like with yarn and knitting needles. He went on a long rant to some poor lady about this yarn maker he once met. WHAT THA WHAT? Didn't see that coming!
This weeks theme has been THE LOUD TALKER!!! Earlier in the week a lady sat across the aisle from me and decided to take a phone call as she got on the bus. Talking on the bus is a little more acceptable in the afternoon than it is in the morning in my opinion. She starts talking and dear lord, she was blowing out my ear drums! She had a heavy accent so I really couldn't figure out what she was talking about but boy was she a megaphone mouth. I am not sure what made her think everyone in the bus cared to listen to her. Not only was she loud but she stayed on her phone the entire ride. I never want to make people feel bad so I try to endure as much as I can. But the woman wouldn't shut up. Just lower your decibel lady!!!
She was even able to take her annoying factor to a whole new level. Part of the way through her convo she started doing this weird noise repeatedly!! I am not quite sure I can describe it in words. Wish I could just insert a sound clip. You know the noise you make when you put your tongue behind your teeth and make that sort of clicking noise that usually indicates that you are displeased. Like when you get in trouble and instead of your mom saying "shame on you" she just repeats this noise a few times. Geerr, not sure how to explain it but it was FREAKING ANNOYING! She must have been stating her displeasure with what was being said on the other end of that phone. But she wouldn't stop doing it! I couldn't take it.
So, I decide I had to let her know shes annoying, somehow. I am not brave enough to just say SSSHHHHH, so here is what I did. I was sitting there TRYING to read my book. I whip my head around towards her making sure to sling my hair a bit for dramatic effect. I tilted my chin down and cut my eyes upwards at her and held the stink eye glare for a few moments (I was channeling my inner pissed off Cathy - my mom - hoping to have it down pat by the time I have kids). I softly (little louder than a whisper) said "Geez". Then whipped my head right back around. Do you think this even got her attention...no....but it did manage to make my neck hurt and get my hair in my lip gloss!
In keeping with this weeks theme I sat down by this tiny lady (for reasons I will explain in a bit) on my way in this morning. Here I am thinking I would have a nice relaxing ride in. BOY WAS I IN FOR A SURPRISE! Two seconds after we start on our journey downtown she gets on her phone. She too has an accent but I am close enough to at least get bits and pieces of the convo. It makes it more entertaining if you can follow the storyline. Anywho, she gets on her phone and is having an intense conversation with someone REALLY LOUDLY at 6:15 in the morning. WHYYYYY????? Its not acceptable to talk in the morning. (I make exceptions for people who are on the phone with their children or elderly parents....but for nothing else). She clearly was on the phone with a girlfriend and they were moaning and complaining about some other friend or family member. Mulling over why this person did something awful to them. WHO FREAKING CARES! The other 22 (allowing and hour for her ride home) do not involve 100 other people stuck in a confined space forced to listen to your loud rants. Choose anyone of those 22 hours and HAVE AT IT LADY. If you haven't noticed I haven't been making coffee at home in the am....maybe I should get the Keurig out again and possibly save a life.
If you are now wondering why I chose the tiny female to sit next to it was because I am testing a theory. I seem to have constant trouble with the men I sit next to. They often think they own the seat and I can maybe have what they have left over after they get themselves situated and comfortable. NOT FAIR! So this guy walk into the bus (ha ha ha, is this like a guy walks into a bar..??) and me being the people watcher that I am, I watch all the folks walking on. Forgetting if you make eye contact with a man (most of the time) he will usually then choose to sit by you. Its weird. So he comes over and takes a seat.
We got off to a BAD start right from the get go. He PLOPPED down in the seat not even taking into account that my thigh was right there, and he takes off my left leg just about. So I readjust myself. I scoot AS FAR AS I CAN towards the window. My right cheek is smooshed up against a very cold wall. I reach down and pull my pashmina wrap out from under his rump and pull my bag a little closer to me as well. I am sure it is obvious that I am a bit bothered by his abrupt arrival. But NO he didn't get that. This guy spreads his legs until his leg is touching mine long enough to take his roller bag and shove it at his feet. Funny how so many people manage to do that without rubbing up on their neighbor. He starts to get situated in his seat and I think maybe the storm has passed. Oh man, not so. He relaxes his legs after getting his bag in and leans his right leg against me! NO TOUCHING SIR! I can't handle sitting up against a perfect stranger feeling the heat off their body. GAG! So I do the wiggle in my seat to maybe get him to readjust....nope...didn't work. I shoved my wrap in between us and winced my mouth together in disgust for the rest of the trip. I started thinking about how annoying this was and realized, I have never sat by a woman and had this problem. That is why this am I decide to pick a small female to sit by in hopes of having a better morning commute....you see how that turned out.
Everyday my bus stops at the northwest transit center. Its a big bus hub with a variety of people. So you never know who's going to join you for the rest of the commute. One day this week we were on our way home and stopped at the northwest transit center. A few people got off the bus and a few more got one. The driver was about to pull the doors closed when a burly man covered in tattoos abruptly gets on the bus. It is how I would imagine Kramer from Seinfeld would get on a bus. He was half running, half skidding in a sideways manner. Then he runs the rest of the way down the aisle to the back of the bus. I was looking around wondering if anyone else saw all of that!
And last but not least REASONS WHY I'M NOT COOL:
Last week I talked my husband into going to Kirkland's with me (cue the treacherous music). We had to get out to make a Home Depot run and Kirkland's was right across the street and I needed to look at something (yes, decor is a need). He does this thing where he thinks he is being a nice husband by not fussing about being in the store with me and occupies himself with games on his phone or reads ESPN or something to protect his manhood. I am thankful he didn't have me make another trip back to the same area after taking him home once we were done at Home Depot. But, I find it rather annoying to have someone walk right up behind me following my every move. I don't quite know how to explain this. So if I am walking down an aisle and he is right behind me....and I see something I might have passed up and I do a small backtrack....we run into each other or he makes the tiny backtrack with me instead of staying put where he was. This is particularly fun when he is pushing the buggy in say...Target or something (that's another adventure we had this week).
We are walking around Kirkland's and I am TRYING not to backtrack. We make it around the entire store (because I have to see all my options) and I head back to the beginning to grab the item I decided on. It was on the bottom shelf (of course) so I reach down there to pull this box out. I had no clue there was a glass pillar candle on the edge of the shelf. When I pull the box out it hits the candle and it shatters into a million pieces. The store was dead silent so everyone looks. The lady comes over thrilled to have to clean up my mess I am sure. My husband immediately starts laughing....and so do I.....all while I was shrugging my shoulders sheepishly saying I am sorry. Now I have just given him another reason not to run an errand with me!!!!! AND THIS IS WHY WE CANT HAVE NICE THINGS!
**Honey, just for the record I love laughing about these silly things....please don't quit going places with me. I would rather you be there and annoy me (not like a real annoyance....like a cute one) than to not be with you. Unless I am on a mission and don't have time for you to come, or I want to piddle around in a store cause you stink at that. Besides, how else and I going to share my quirks with you like my ability to grab the attention of an entire store?
I don't want to seem tacky only discussing those type of folks...but its all I've got to work with right now. Remember the interesting guy who carries the sword with him? I posted a picture of him earlier in my blog. The first time I saw him I studied him for my 45 minute ride home as he stood in the aisle with his sword strapped to his back. I pondered things like, if he had gotten a seat what would he have done with the sword? Would he think I was weird if I jumped up and screamed "en guard" (how could he) or if I sang For Camelot to him? What type of person is he???? Well apparently he rides my bus on the regs so I am slowly learning more about him. Eventually I will get close enough to strike up a convo just for you guys! Here is what I learned about him this week: he has an affinity for knitting! Yep, that's right.....like with yarn and knitting needles. He went on a long rant to some poor lady about this yarn maker he once met. WHAT THA WHAT? Didn't see that coming!
This weeks theme has been THE LOUD TALKER!!! Earlier in the week a lady sat across the aisle from me and decided to take a phone call as she got on the bus. Talking on the bus is a little more acceptable in the afternoon than it is in the morning in my opinion. She starts talking and dear lord, she was blowing out my ear drums! She had a heavy accent so I really couldn't figure out what she was talking about but boy was she a megaphone mouth. I am not sure what made her think everyone in the bus cared to listen to her. Not only was she loud but she stayed on her phone the entire ride. I never want to make people feel bad so I try to endure as much as I can. But the woman wouldn't shut up. Just lower your decibel lady!!!
She was even able to take her annoying factor to a whole new level. Part of the way through her convo she started doing this weird noise repeatedly!! I am not quite sure I can describe it in words. Wish I could just insert a sound clip. You know the noise you make when you put your tongue behind your teeth and make that sort of clicking noise that usually indicates that you are displeased. Like when you get in trouble and instead of your mom saying "shame on you" she just repeats this noise a few times. Geerr, not sure how to explain it but it was FREAKING ANNOYING! She must have been stating her displeasure with what was being said on the other end of that phone. But she wouldn't stop doing it! I couldn't take it.
So, I decide I had to let her know shes annoying, somehow. I am not brave enough to just say SSSHHHHH, so here is what I did. I was sitting there TRYING to read my book. I whip my head around towards her making sure to sling my hair a bit for dramatic effect. I tilted my chin down and cut my eyes upwards at her and held the stink eye glare for a few moments (I was channeling my inner pissed off Cathy - my mom - hoping to have it down pat by the time I have kids). I softly (little louder than a whisper) said "Geez". Then whipped my head right back around. Do you think this even got her attention...no....but it did manage to make my neck hurt and get my hair in my lip gloss!
In keeping with this weeks theme I sat down by this tiny lady (for reasons I will explain in a bit) on my way in this morning. Here I am thinking I would have a nice relaxing ride in. BOY WAS I IN FOR A SURPRISE! Two seconds after we start on our journey downtown she gets on her phone. She too has an accent but I am close enough to at least get bits and pieces of the convo. It makes it more entertaining if you can follow the storyline. Anywho, she gets on her phone and is having an intense conversation with someone REALLY LOUDLY at 6:15 in the morning. WHYYYYY????? Its not acceptable to talk in the morning. (I make exceptions for people who are on the phone with their children or elderly parents....but for nothing else). She clearly was on the phone with a girlfriend and they were moaning and complaining about some other friend or family member. Mulling over why this person did something awful to them. WHO FREAKING CARES! The other 22 (allowing and hour for her ride home) do not involve 100 other people stuck in a confined space forced to listen to your loud rants. Choose anyone of those 22 hours and HAVE AT IT LADY. If you haven't noticed I haven't been making coffee at home in the am....maybe I should get the Keurig out again and possibly save a life.
If you are now wondering why I chose the tiny female to sit next to it was because I am testing a theory. I seem to have constant trouble with the men I sit next to. They often think they own the seat and I can maybe have what they have left over after they get themselves situated and comfortable. NOT FAIR! So this guy walk into the bus (ha ha ha, is this like a guy walks into a bar..??) and me being the people watcher that I am, I watch all the folks walking on. Forgetting if you make eye contact with a man (most of the time) he will usually then choose to sit by you. Its weird. So he comes over and takes a seat.
We got off to a BAD start right from the get go. He PLOPPED down in the seat not even taking into account that my thigh was right there, and he takes off my left leg just about. So I readjust myself. I scoot AS FAR AS I CAN towards the window. My right cheek is smooshed up against a very cold wall. I reach down and pull my pashmina wrap out from under his rump and pull my bag a little closer to me as well. I am sure it is obvious that I am a bit bothered by his abrupt arrival. But NO he didn't get that. This guy spreads his legs until his leg is touching mine long enough to take his roller bag and shove it at his feet. Funny how so many people manage to do that without rubbing up on their neighbor. He starts to get situated in his seat and I think maybe the storm has passed. Oh man, not so. He relaxes his legs after getting his bag in and leans his right leg against me! NO TOUCHING SIR! I can't handle sitting up against a perfect stranger feeling the heat off their body. GAG! So I do the wiggle in my seat to maybe get him to readjust....nope...didn't work. I shoved my wrap in between us and winced my mouth together in disgust for the rest of the trip. I started thinking about how annoying this was and realized, I have never sat by a woman and had this problem. That is why this am I decide to pick a small female to sit by in hopes of having a better morning commute....you see how that turned out.
Everyday my bus stops at the northwest transit center. Its a big bus hub with a variety of people. So you never know who's going to join you for the rest of the commute. One day this week we were on our way home and stopped at the northwest transit center. A few people got off the bus and a few more got one. The driver was about to pull the doors closed when a burly man covered in tattoos abruptly gets on the bus. It is how I would imagine Kramer from Seinfeld would get on a bus. He was half running, half skidding in a sideways manner. Then he runs the rest of the way down the aisle to the back of the bus. I was looking around wondering if anyone else saw all of that!
And last but not least REASONS WHY I'M NOT COOL:
Last week I talked my husband into going to Kirkland's with me (cue the treacherous music). We had to get out to make a Home Depot run and Kirkland's was right across the street and I needed to look at something (yes, decor is a need). He does this thing where he thinks he is being a nice husband by not fussing about being in the store with me and occupies himself with games on his phone or reads ESPN or something to protect his manhood. I am thankful he didn't have me make another trip back to the same area after taking him home once we were done at Home Depot. But, I find it rather annoying to have someone walk right up behind me following my every move. I don't quite know how to explain this. So if I am walking down an aisle and he is right behind me....and I see something I might have passed up and I do a small backtrack....we run into each other or he makes the tiny backtrack with me instead of staying put where he was. This is particularly fun when he is pushing the buggy in say...Target or something (that's another adventure we had this week).
We are walking around Kirkland's and I am TRYING not to backtrack. We make it around the entire store (because I have to see all my options) and I head back to the beginning to grab the item I decided on. It was on the bottom shelf (of course) so I reach down there to pull this box out. I had no clue there was a glass pillar candle on the edge of the shelf. When I pull the box out it hits the candle and it shatters into a million pieces. The store was dead silent so everyone looks. The lady comes over thrilled to have to clean up my mess I am sure. My husband immediately starts laughing....and so do I.....all while I was shrugging my shoulders sheepishly saying I am sorry. Now I have just given him another reason not to run an errand with me!!!!! AND THIS IS WHY WE CANT HAVE NICE THINGS!
**Honey, just for the record I love laughing about these silly things....please don't quit going places with me. I would rather you be there and annoy me (not like a real annoyance....like a cute one) than to not be with you. Unless I am on a mission and don't have time for you to come, or I want to piddle around in a store cause you stink at that. Besides, how else and I going to share my quirks with you like my ability to grab the attention of an entire store?
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